~characters of character~

I'm proud of my kids (like most moms), but I don't want to sin or cause them to sin, by bragging (not that that always stops me!).  After praying about it, I've come to the realization that I'm not bragging on my kids - or on their parents, when I notice godly character in them, but on God and His work in their lives.

Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord."

It seems like after finding out I was pregnant with our first child, I had a fear of failure hanging over me.  Feelings of inadequacy and thoughts like, "What if we screw this kid up?" crept in many times over the years.  Over time, God has given me a peace about it.  Not that we'll do everything perfect, or that they'll be perfect or turn out just like I want them to, but that if I pursue godliness for myself and for my kids, God will be faithful to guide and direct our steps. He has, in fact, been faithful to do just that, and based upon past experience, I can only conclude that He will continue in His faithfulness.  Afterall, who wants our kids to be godly adults more than God, Himself?

     The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease.
                                                     Lamentations 3:22

There have been many questions we've asked God  to answer for us.  "Which doctor is trustworthy?  Which babysitter? Is it really okay to put them to sleep on  their belly?  Is it really okay to put them to sleep on their back?  Do we spank? Do we make them do chores?  What age is okay to spend the night with friends? Do we give them an allowance? Do we homeschool?  How do we homeschool?  How do we keep them safe?"  Time after time, God has answered our questions and put our minds and hearts at ease when we've been afraid of taking the next step -  afraid of messing up.

Lately, the kids have been in rare form.  Bickering has been at an all time high and egos and bad attitudes seem to be bursting at the seams!  Last week I was once again, questioning God.   "Are you sure we're supposed to homeschool?  Have I taught them anything good?"  I went to a place lower than I had been in a while.  To make it worse, these things weren't just happening at home.  Nothing stings worse than open sin.  It's easy to spot sin at home and deal with it before anyone knows about it.  When they choose to sin in front of people, it can quickly become about the embarassment instead of the sin.  After 14 years of parenting, this is still a challenge for me.

Knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.                                                                                                                         Romans 5:3-4

Two weeks ago, at a bible study, while laughing with some women about R's odd sense of humor (he's just like his dad), G ended up making a hurtful comment to me, calling me 'critical' - in front of several people.  I laughed it off, but I was hurt and she would later get a lecture I'm sure she won't forget soon (unless, of course, she zoned out!).  It was apparent, after talking to her that she didn't intend to hurt me, she just spoke before she thought - something I'm guilty of often.  Quite frankly, her words weren't nice - but they were true and I needed to hear them.  God has spoken to me through my kids many times.
After praying about it, speaking with her and then sharing what happened with Glen, I dropped it.  I chalked it up as a learning experience and I left it alone.  Last week, however, someone who witnessed "the incident" brought it up.  I was mortified!  The same feeling of embarassment came over me that had the week before.  I immediately started thinking bad thoughts.  "What am I doing?  I'm a horrible parent!  Why am I a leader?  I can't even lead my own kids!"  Just when I was convinced God made a huge mistake by allowing me to be a parent, He began to show signs of growth.

      Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

  Proverbs 22:6

Friday night, I had a leader's meeting for bible study and G was singing with the choir at the Homecoming game.  I hated to miss it, but Glen and R were there.  In typical teenage fashion, G asked to sit with friends after she was done singing.  Later she shared with Glen that a friend of a friend came to sit with them and began cussing - "the really bad words!".  When Glen asked what she did, she said she told her, "Hey, I don't talk that way!"

Since allowing her to attend school a few hours a day, I've wondered how she would react in situations just like this.  I know she's far from perfect, especially in my critical eyes, but God is working in her.  She has always had a boldness about her, and still does when dealing with me, but I haven't seen that in a while in her friendships.  God allowed me to see that He's refining her, but not removing those qualities.  Speaking boldly to me has gotten her in trouble more than a few times, but if I give her a safe place to be bold (as long as she's respectful), then she's more likely to speak boldly when she's away from me.

Instead of playing in our town, R played soccer in a nearby town this year, with brand new coaches and brand new teammates.  He was so nervous on his way to his first practice, his hands were shaking!  The season has been wonderful!  They haven't won a game yet (there are 2 left), but we've seen him step up and be a leader on the team - and his gift of encouragement shines on the field!  He's the first to give a "great job!" or "nice shot!" to a teammate.  I've seen God stretch him this season, but use him as well.

Last week we received a call that R had made the allstar team.  He's made the allstar team for several years in our town, but playing in a new town in front of all new faces, we warned him to not get his hopes up.  When the call came, we were all so proud of him!  Even G was yelling out, "Awesome!" and giving high fives!  When Glen spoke to the coach, he said, "We've taken notice of R.  He's a fantastic goalkeeper."  Words that would swell any dad's chest.  What an honor it is to be recognized for being good at what you love to do!  While we were excited for him, we were quick to warn him of the dangers of pride.

While we're proud of him for his accomplishments, perhaps the best words came today.  I took R to his first allstar practice and after meeting the coach, was told, "R is a very hard worker.  He has outstanding character on the soccer field."  I thanked him, then immediately gave thanks to God for His faithfulness.  God is faithful to show us where He's working when we ask.  Just when I allowed myself to think God wasn't working, He proved again that His work isn't evident overnight.  Thankfully He allows mistakes and He works through imperfect people like us.

Just to keep me humble and prove to me that the work is His and not mine, as soon as we got in the car, R was in a terrible mood and wouldn't speak almost our entire 45 minutes home. In my mind I was thinking, "If only that coach could see you now!"  God was gracious enough to allow this episode to be private.  He is faithful!

       Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

                                                                           1 Peter 5:7

It's silly to think I could do more for my kids than the Holy Spirit, but keeping the responsibility resting entirely on my shoulders instead of giving it to God is, in effect thinking just that. 

Parenting isn't for wimps!  Some weeks (or months) feel like a roller coaster ride with lots of hills, valleys and sharp turns.  Then there are periods of what feels like running in place - lots of energy spent, but no ground gained.  It's also not meant to be done alone, in our own strength.  Knowing that God is directing each step is the only thing that makes it worth while.  Only He can see the finish line.  He is faithful!  We just have to keep the goal in mind and daily surrender ourselves to Him and His plan for our lives and the lives of our kids.

Blessings,
,

~stunted growth~

Several weeks ago, my husband began preaching through the book of Genesis.  I must confess to you, I wasn't thrilled.  While I didn't grow up in church, since becoming a Christian over 17 years ago, I have taught countless lessons and craft projects about creation and the fall of man to numerous preschoolers!  What could be left to learn, right?  Wrong!

I think it's interesting that when God told Adam and Eve that they had done wrong, Adam blamed Eve and she blamed the serpent.  Neither wanted to acknowledge their sin - and neither sorry.  Fast forward to chapter 4.  Cain murders Abel because Abel's offering is pleasing to God and his isn't.  When God tells Cain of his punishment, he is clearly upset over the punishment, but not repentant.  God tells him he'll be a wanderer, yet he builds a city - and names it for his son.  Disobeying God and keeping the glory for man instead of giving glory to God.  Later, Cain's great great great grandson, Lamech killed two men.  When he confessed his sin to his wives, he said, "If Cain's revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech's is seventy-seven fold."  Lamech confessed his sin.

In my quiet time recently, God has revealed big truths in tiny bites.  Today He layed it on thick!  Am I truly repentant?  Am I sorry for the sins I commit, or am I sorry I've been caught or sorry I'll be punished?  When God reveals sin in my life, I usually let life's busyness be my excuse.  I can't count the times I've thrown together unhealthy meals for my family at the last minute or put quiet time with God on the back burner because our family schedule filled up before I squeezed it in.  What am I teaching my children through my disobedience?  It's easy to see through the book of Genesis that unconfessed sin can become generational sin.  Nothing would grieve my heart more than to know that I have stunted my children's growth in the Lord.

How many times have you heard a parent encourage their child to lie so they don't get in trouble?  It happens, though I'm sure they wouldn't call it lying.  It's deception nonetheless. Sometimes the consequences are too great for Mom and Dad to bear.  If little Johnny admits that he vandalized cars in the school parking lot, he won't get to play football.  If Sally tells Mary that she took her baby doll, Mary won't want to be her friend anymore.  It sounds ridiculous, but it happens!  While these are extremes, and most of us can never imagine allowing things like this to go on, we probably can imagine not grounding our four year old from television because it would mean I wouldn't have that 30 minutes during Dora to clean up the kitchen, or not taking away the Nintendo DS, because it keeps him quiet in the car on the way to Grandma's.  When we allow half-hearted repentance to us without consequences, we're setting our kids up to half-heartedly obey God.

Please don't think this post is about my terrible, disobedient children - far from it.  They're great!  I couldn't ask for better kids!  This is about me.  I've given excuses to God time and time again, like 'I can't help it', 'I'm under too much pressure', 'we're so busy' and I'm sure God's favorite is 'You know how I am....'  The problem is that God is never okay with an unrepentant heart.

While I can never perfect my walk with God, and I can't protect my kids from all sin, I can teach them to be repentant and graciously accept God's correction so He is glorified in their obedience.

The question is not if I sin or how often.  Obviously I'm not perfect and never will be, but what kind of example am I setting when I know I'm sinning and refuse to stop, or let my day dictate my attitude instead of standing firm on the Word?  Do I stop and call upon the name of the Lord?

God is continually sanding down the rough edges of my heart and molding me into who He wants me to be.  It's my belief that, besides the Holy Spirit, there is no better tool for transforming the heart than that of a child entrusted to you.  My heart's desire is to submit to Him fully in obedience, for my own sake - and the good of my kids.

Blessings,

~things are buzzing around here~

It seems that lately when I think about blogging, I think of ten other things I have to get done first!  There is much to do, but I simply had to write about our recent happenings! 

Because we homeschool our kids, we look for activities that include socializing and learning.  One of the ways we've been able to incorporate both is through 4H.  We've participated for three years and have loved it!  Our kids have taken welding and sailing classes and Grayson is taking sewing.  It really is a great resource.  Last year, a man in our club offered to teach beekeeping.  I must be honest.  I was completely fascinated and scared all at the same time!  I tried my best to talk my kids into signing up, but they were both totally against it.  It does sound crazy, but it's great science!  This year however, I put my foot down.  I told them they were taking it.  No options - 'cuz I'm Mom and I say so.  I knew after they got over their initial fears, they would have fun and they eventually began to love the idea!  No compaints at all.

The morning of their first meeting I had leader's meeting for Bible Study Fellowship, but I arrived home by 9 am.  Their meeting was at 10.  As I prepared to head out the door, Glen jumped up and said I could stay home and he would take them.  Obviously I wasn't staying home!  I was going!  So we all went.  All of the other kids in the class had taken it last year, so they were preparing to have hives of their own.  When we were asked, I thought we would just observe and learn, but Glen said, "No, let's get a hive!  What better way to learn?"  So we began preparing.  We looked up boxes and plans and he had full intentions of making a box, however life got busy.  Glen is taking two classes this semester, plus he has a full-time job as well as his ministry.  He went out of town 3 out of 4 weeks last month and we had a church member who became ill and passed away.  Before we knew it, it was time to pick up the bees and we had no box.  Glen quickly checked around and found a man 2 1/2 hours away who builds bee boxes.  Last Saturday (after an all day class for Glen and Grayson's basketball game) we made a quick trip to pick it up.

We finally arrived at our leader's house to pick up our bees at 9:30 pm.  I know they must have been thrilled that we waited until the absolute last minute!  When I saw the bees, once again I was amazed at these little creatures!  The queen hung inside a box and literally thousands (12,000 - 15,000 to be more precise!) of bees were clustered around her - protecting her.  There were even a few on the outside of the box who were focused and hanging on.  As our leader placed the bees in our car (yes, inside), Riley jumped out of the car crying, "I hate bees!"   It never occured to me that this would be such a major thing!  We got him calm enough to get home, but he sat on the edge of his seat the whole way.  Just in case he needed to jump out, I guess!  I was thinking, "are we crazy?"

After arriving home, the kids and I went inside while Glen dealt with the bees.  He did a super job!  He borrowed gloves and a hat with a vail from our leader.  I duct taped all of the edges of his clothing so bees didn't get in.  I wish I had pictures, but it was 10 pm and we were ready to be done!  After hanging the queen inside of our new box, he dumped the box of bees in the new bee box and headed inside - but not unscathed.  He managed to get stung - though only once, on his calf.

Obviously we knew there would be stings.  We've all been stung before, so we knew no one was allergic.....famous last words.  Glen woke up Sunday morning with major pain in his calf and it was swollen.  Sunday evening he got nauseous and ran a low grade fever.  Monday morning he couldn't put any weight on it, so he went to the doctor and was given a round of steroids and anti-biotics to take.  Last night, he laid on the couch and just had me rub it for what seemed like forever, because it itches. 
I know you're thinking we immediately got rid of the bees.  I must confess, I thought that's the way this story would end.  It would make since, right?  I even talked to the kids and prepared them for it.  Obviously if you're allergic to bees, you don't own any!  I mean, that's why we don't have a cat, for goodness sake!  Last night, I talked to Glen to see what he wants to do.  He's not your average guy.  "Just wait", he said.  Wait?  For what?  Wait to see how it goes.  Don't rush the decision.  One non-life threatening allergic reaction doesn't mean you're allergic.  Typical Glen.  Putting the kids before himself.  So we're waiting....

Meanwhile, we're getting attached to the bees - even Riley.  Yesterday he called me on his cell phone from across the street.  He was so excited, "Mom, our bees are in their garden!!!".  I'm not quite sure how he knew they were ours, but I'm glad they're already at work!  Glen even mowed the yard in shorts tonight, so I guess he's not afraid to get stung again.  Let me just state the obvious by saying if I had been the one to get stung and have that reaction, the bees would be gone!  In a New York minute.  Just sayin'.

Blessings,

~mountain-top baby rockin' tea party~

It's Sunday night and life has been a whirlwind since returning from West Virginia.  We arrived in town at 8:30 Friday night after traveling all day.  Saturday was filled with activities.  Both kids were competing in the music festival an hour from our town and Riley played in the basketball championship.  Today was filled with church and dress rehearsal for the community play they're performing in.  I only just sat down a few hours ago...:)

Grayson and I left with a team last Saturday morning at 6 am headed to the mountains of West Virginia for a mission trip to a birthing center for female prisoners, where women convicted of a federal crime can spend up to 18 months with their child if they're pregnant while incarcerated.  Last year was our first year, but most of the girls were new, the facility had a new director and our mission team had changed a bit, so I wasn't sure what to expect.  I knew, however that God would use us and we would be blessed in return. 

Before leaving, I planned for a craft we would do with the women.  By far, the best craft I found was this magnetic board from Madigan Made.  I was looking for something unique, but also fun and useful - and not too expensive.  It was obvious that God was in it from the beginning.  I found burner covers for 11 cents a piece on clearance at a dollar store!  11 cents!  We decided to give them the option to add Scripture to theirs if they chose.  I'm happy to say they did.  Some even added pictures of their babies - they're all so creative!  Here is a picture of the finished product...

 

Did I mention that I've never gotten carsick until I was on this trip last year?  Take a look at this picture and you may get an idea of why I got sick.  This is on the road between the church we stayed at and the birthing center. 

This trip is different than any other mission trip I've been on.  It's more relaxed and relational.  We cook for them and eat with them everyday, then do crafts and sometimes play games.  This year, a few new mission team members brought supplies for manicures, pedicures and facials.  What an awesome way to bond with one another!   Most mission trips, you're busy trying to get the Gospel out, either by VBS or revival or something similar, and a few relationships are built as a result.  If you're ministering in a place where they may never hear God's Word, this is crucial, but there is a local pastor who brings a sermon to these women every Sunday, then ministers to them during the week.  They're hearing, they just need to witness it being lived out in more people, and they need to experience the love of Christ from believers.  This trip is designed to be about the relationship itself, and as a result of building that relationship, we can talk about Jesus more easily.  Let's face it, people aren't knocking down prison doors with the intention of getting to know the inmates.  John, who heads up the trip is in contact with the center all year and tries to find churches for them in their hometowns after they leave.  We try to stay in touch with them, even befriending them on Facebook in many cases.  One of the women told me some mission teams never sit to chat or bring a meal when they come, they only preach a revival, then leave.  No contact or conversation, just preaching.  Jesus didn't do it that way.  He ate with people and got to know them by asking them questions and they followed Him and watched how He lived. 

One of the best parts of the trip is rocking babies.  Grayson has become quite the little helper (along with the other young girls that went).  I got a picture of her with a different baby every half hour!  I love that she and I can minister together on this trip.  When we first arrived at the birthing center, a mom who was there last year gave me a hug and immediately asked me where my daughter was. I instantly knew she was making an impact on these women and I was glad she got to be a part of it. 


                                  



While making friends and holding babies is always fun, my anxieties came from what we were to do the last day.  The last few years, a lady from Arkansas has joined us on the trip and she has given a tea party for the inmates.  She does a fabulous job and it has become one of their favorites.  She wasn't able to join us this year because she was in Chile on a mission trip, so I filled in.  The lady that gave it, Mrs. Kay, is full of grace and charm and .....well, frankly I'm not:)  Many prayers were said regarding this tea party.  While it seems silly to stress, we give it on the last day, so relationships are established and we have a "captive audience" (as was said this week!) to give a devotion to during the tea party.  The girls were very respectful and listened intently.  I couldn't have asked for anything more.  As you can see, we brought crazy hats for them to keep as a reminder. We also bought tea cups at a thrift store to serve the tea in and left those with them too.

I know Mrs. Kay would have done a much better job, but all in all, I think it went well.  Hopefully she blessed the ladies in Chile with a tea party:) 
 

Once again I was amazed at how "normal" the women are.  They're great moms and this is a wonderful opportunity to bond with their babies.  All of them would probably be working moms and wouldn't have the opportunity otherwise to spend the first year with their baby.  A lot of these women have made one or two bad decisions to get them there, but haven't we all?  While most of my mistakes haven't been illegal, they have been stupid!  I could relate with most of these girls.  While a few were guilty of white collar crimes and came from wonderful families, some were guilty of theft or drugs (but all non-violent crimes), it's unbelievable how prison brings them together.  Friendships are formed between women that would never cross paths outside of these walls.  God works in amazing ways!  They are there, sometimes with no visits from family, yet when I try to give them encouragement, it's me that goes away encouraged.  I was reminded of times I've started down a wrong path always to have God put a road block in my way so I would turn to Him.  Hopefully this birthing center or their time in prison has been a road block that will cause these women to turn to Him and trust Him fully.  I can't wait to see how God works in the lives of these women and babies!

Blessings,

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36

~prayers for west virginia....and china~

It's been so long since I've posted, I almost feel bad posting now!  Grayson and I are leaving in just a few short hours for another mission trip to W. Virginia to minister to female prison inmates who are staying at a birthing center to be with their babies.  It's a privelege only a few prisoners get - and they don't get to be with all of their children, only the babies - for bonding purposes.  

This past week we've been busy with lists of what to buy, what to pack, what crafts to do....what to buy.  We took this trip last year and I blogged about our experience.  I plan to do the same when we get back and things settle down.  I can't post pics of the prisoners, but I hope to get plenty of good pics of Grayson and the mission team:)  Please pray for our trip...for safe travel and that the ladies would respond to us.  I'm specifically praying that God will break down walls and melt hard hearts.  We made many new friends last year and we're planning to do the same again this year! 

Also, our friends, the Lancaster's are heading to China bright and early in the morning to pick up their newest addition - Lori Faith.  You might remember a blogpost about a fundraiser to help bring her home.  That seems so long ago, but like yesterday at the same time!  They're taking their oldest two girls and leaving the 3 youngest kids with family.  Pray for safety and for all aspects to go well.  All glory to God!

Blessings,

~be careful what you ask for....(passing on a post)~

I'm shamelessly passing on another post from my husband.  This one is convicting - he preached on this a few weeks ago and I had to come home and soak my toes:)  Enjoy!

Blessings,

~the great christian cover-up~

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but this week I've had something on my mind.  What is our main job as Christians?  To make disciples?  How are we to do this if we're not real about our own struggles?  Also, how can we be held accountable if we keep our struggles a secret?

If you've read many of my blogposts, you know I didn't grow up in church.  Far from it, in fact.  I was born out of wedlock to a teenage mom and my mom became a Christian the same year I did.  I was twenty one - she was 39.  When my mom found out she was pregnant at age 17, she also found out that my dad had gotten another girl pregnant.  He married the other girl.  I have a half-sister who's 15 days older than me.  I say this to say that, while human nature takes over and we all have tendencies to hide our mistakes and put our best face forward, I have never had a desire to pretend things are perfect.  For the most part, what you see is what you get.  I have some struggles that I deal with that I share openly, and I have more private struggles that only a close few know about.  I try to share everything with Glen in an attempt to be held accountable, but I don't think that's the norm for most Christians.  The longer I'm a Christian, the more "plastic" people I meet.  You know, the kind that seem like they have it all together and always have!  (I should also say that I have met many wonderful, authentic Christians who have opened up and let me in their world).  I don't say this to judge, it's definitely only because of the path God set me on that I tend to be more transparent by nature (sometimes to a fault!).  I spent my entire childhood embarassed that my parents weren't married, but when your last name isn't the same as your dad's and your sister is your same age, you have to be upfront with people.  I'm sure I tried to cover it up from time to time (and I definitely didn't approach the subject first), but there came a time when I realized it wasn't my mistake and I shouldn't be embarassed by it.  (This excludes having to tell my kids when they were old enough to understand.  I definitely wanted to pretend everything was perfect for them). 

Over time, however, I came to another realization - we all make mistakes, and not only should I not be embarassed by them, I should glory in the fact that God rescued me from that and I should be upfront with everyone.  I should not only share about my past, but about my current struggles as well.  People need to see that other Christians are real people.  While it's not always appropriate to share every struggle while you're in the midst of it, it is appropriate to share that God is dealing with you in a certain area - and it's always appropriate to share after God has brought you out of it!  I'm still treading lightly on this path where my kids are concerned.  I definitely want to be real with them, but I don't want to over-share regarding my past.  So far, God has given me words to speak to them.  I can only trust that He'll continue to do so.

Recently I learned of a boy from my childhood who is involved in a very sinful lifestyle.  This is someone that was raised in a Christian home.  I was saddened when I read his blogpost that said the first time he went to a gay bar alone, he ran into a pastor from church camp.  This seemed somehow to put the stamp of approval on it - almost normalizing it.  I've never walked in his shoes and I don't presume to know all of the ends and outs of homosexuality.  I only know what I learned from the gay men my mom worked with as a hairdresser, and that the Bible says any kind of sex outside of marriage is wrong. 

Yesterday I read that the Executive Director of the Missouri Baptist Convention gave his resignation for "immoral acts with a woman".  While I'm not surprised (not because I know this to be in his character, but because he's a human being),  it seems like one more scar on the church.  One more excuse people will give for "the church" letting them down. 

None of us are perfect, but do we convey that enough to other believers, and unbelievers for that matter?  How do we get rid of the myth that Christians are perfect?  How, in trying to live a life, holy and pleasing to God, do we really get across the fact that we are only holy because of the blood shed on our behalf?   It's probably evident, but let me say out loud that I seriously screw up on a daily basis.   If you're lifting me up as someone to be like, you need to raise your bar - I'm way off the mark!

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:8-9

While praying about both of these situations, God began to lay on my heart that this is the very reason we are to be transparent.  If I am not willing to share my story of how God has gotten me through the trials in my life and in the process, help out a fellow believer, what exactly is the purpose in Him getting me through them?  These are also reasons to have an  accountability partner.  Satan does his best work where there are secrets.  In both of the cases above, men in the ministry not only sinned, but led someone else into deeper sin.  Recognizing our weaknesses and having someone to hold us accountable are key.

So while I don't usually put on a fake face and pretend things are perfect, after thinking about the previous situations, I'm feeling convicted for covering up for other people.  A very close member of my family is participating in a lifestyle I don't want my kids around.  The issue is not whether I'll let her see my kids.  I will, I just don't want her lifestyle flaunted in front of them.  I have let her see the kids at our house or in public, as long as there's no mention of what she's doing.   As I'm thinking about transparency and "being real", I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  I can only pray that I am.  Do I let them know what she's doing and that I don't agree with it, thus using her as an example or do I pretend everything's fine for now in order to protect her reputation?   I don't want to make her look bad, but my fear is that my kids will find out anyway and not know that I stood against what she was doing.  Oh Lord, let my motives be pure and pleasing to You!
 Blessings,

~trusting and praying~

Glen and I try to "pray without ceasing" concerning our kids.  Since before we began to homeschool, we have prayed about their education and which route to take.  God had laid homeschool on our hearts long before He led us to it.  They went to Christian school for several years before God called us to homeschool.  Every year, we have tried to make sure we're listening for God's voice where their education is concerned.  Are we homeschooling because we're called to it, or because it's the habit we're in now and we don't want to change what we're doing?  Each year we have heard God say, "Yes!  Homeschool!".  Without a doubt, it has been His plan.  This year however, we have had questions since the beginning of the year.  Not for both kids, but for our daughter.  She'll be in ninth grade next year and we have felt it would be a good time for her to go back - if it's God's plan.  Everything I have read says your high schooler must be in agreement to continue homeschooling through high school.  That makes sense.  School is not an option, but they should start getting some input about how they are schooled.  I just knew, given the choice, she'd pick school.  She's SO social!  She would also have the option of competing in sports and music competitions - which are important to her.  My immediate response was "NO!".  I cherish the time we spend together.  I love that I am her biggest influence (some days, admittedly not the best influence, however!)  My second reaction was to keep my feelings to myself.  If I told Glen, I was afraid he would jump on the opportunity before I could give my input (in case you didn't know, I'm a recovering control-freak!), and if I told Grayson, she would definitely jump on the opportunity to spend more time with friends and less time with me!

After several days of feeling like I needed to talk to Glen (funny how God does this), I was relieved to know he was having the same feelings.  Relieved and stressed out all at the same time.  Relieved that I wasn't crazy, stressed that I may have to send her.  We agreed to pray about it the rest of the year, then see where we are at the end of the school year.  Neither one would ask Grayson's opinion for now - after all, we're the parents (and I already knew her answer!).  Within a few weeks, we had both broken the agreement.  While talking with her, I felt there was an opening in the conversation where I could ask without it being a major ordeal.  I simply said, "Daddy and I are praying about whether we'll keep homeschooling you next year.  What d'ya think?"  She said, "I don't know".  I don't know?  She didn't jump at the chance to bust out of this joint?  I dropped it, but talked to Glen the next day.  Apparently the same kind of opening had come up in a conversation he had with her!  She gave him more information, though (yes, I'm totally jealous!).  She told him she was afraid that if she went to school, she'd lose her homeschooled friends.  Wow.  That's when it hit me.

I have grown very close to the moms in our homeschool co-op.  They are some of the best women I know - committed to Christ and to homeschooling.  I can call any of them or shoot them an email asking for prayer, and I know without a doubt they've got my back.  They are encouragers and a support system that I've so needed and drawn from as I've homeschooled my kids these last four years.  I began to realize that part of the reason I don't want her to go to school is because it may eventually lead to Riley going to school.....which would end our homeschool co-op days with other homeschool families.  These are times I treasure.  I know these ladies will always be friends, but I wouldn't spend as much time with them.  I definitely have to take "me" out of the equation.  "I" want more time with her, "I" want us to spend time with these families - but what does God want for our family?  There was definitely something to what Grayson said.  Will she lose her friends?  Probably not.  But will she spend alot less time with them?  Definitely!

I'm realizing that even at thirteen, she gives this decision more thought than I originally gave her credit for.  I still won't let her make the decision - that will be ours to make - by God's leading, but I'm considering her input to be much more valuable than I thought it would.  God will definitely use her to help reveal His will to us!

For now I'll just be faithful to pray....and trust that He will work all things for His good and for ours.
Blessings,

~hallow-weenies~

Halloween is over!  Our family hasn't celebrated Halloween in 8 years.  When Grayson was in kindergarten, she told us she thought we shouldn't do it because it was mean.  As parents, we wanted to respect her convictions and truthfully, we couldn't find any good in it, so we stopped.  We began what I would now call "hiding out" on Halloween.  Although it was Grayson's conviction, we had a younger child that didn't have the same feelings!  He was not happy about our decision!  Sometimes we played games with friends at the church, sometimes we went to a movie and out to eat, one year we even went to the Missouri Baptist Convention, but we never stayed at home.  I didn't want them to see all of the kids coming to the door and think they were missing out on something. 

This year is different.  I'm not sure why - just feeling like we shouldn't be "hiding".  A friend put it best when she said, "How often do strangers knock on your door?  It's a perfect opportunity to witness!"  Our kids are now 11 and 13.  They both have convictions about Halloween, and are old enough to pass out candy without thinking they're missing out.  We made copies of Halloween coloring pages that we found online and printed a tract along with an invitation to our church on the back.  I just folded them in half like a brochure when I was done.  We bought mini boxes of crayons and passed them out along with our candy.  The kids had so much fun!  Both of our kids like young children.  I'm not sure why, but they always play with the little ones.  This was so much fun for them!  We ordered pizza and watched movies after the trick-or-treaters left.  What a stress-free evening - the perfect family night!

Blessings,

~larry hadley~

Today was a busy day.  Not that different from most days, but a day I'll always remember.  A few days ago I sent a Facebook message to a friend from high school.  Today while I was checking my Facebook account, George popped up with a chat message.  He's a songwriter in Nashville, so we discussed writing and high school English with our favorite teacher, Mr. Smith and eventually he asked who I kept in touch with.  Besides Facebook, unfortunately there's only one person from high school I've kept in touch with, and she was and is my best friend, Paula.  He gave me names of people he still talks to and we shared stories. Then it happened.  There it was in black and white:  

larry.hadley.died.

You're probably saying, "Who in the world is Larry Hadley?"  Larry lived across the street from me.  When I was the new girl in the neighborhood, Larry went out of his way to be my friend.  Larry was my first boyfriend, but only if you count 4th grade boyfriends.   He asked me if I would be his girlfriend by sending me a note that said, "check this box for yes".  I got to stay out late playing basketball with Larry and his dad because my mom could see me from the living room window.  We shot free throws for hours every night all summer - and most other seasons, too.  He gave me gifts.  Mostly cheap costume jewelry that I later found out he stole from his mom, but it still made me feel special.  Larry was a nice guy and he got along with everyone.  Everyone except his parents. 

When we were in high school, Larry's family moved.  He still went to our school for a while, but didn't live across the street anymore.  Later in high school, Larry's parents kicked him out.  I'm not sure why, but he never went back home.  While we were carefree and cruising Broadway as high school seniors, Larry was going to a nearby school during the day and working long hours at McDonald's at night to support himself.  I don't know how he did it, but he finished high school.  He also went into management at McDonald's.  From there, he managed a local Radio Shack, then I heard he became a regional manager.  That's the last I heard about Larry.  Until today.

Life is hard.  Harder for some.  I'm shocked that he's gone, but I'm saddened at the fact that I've never looked back and thought about him or his circumstances.  Did he have a wife and a family?  I don't know.  Was he sick or was his death sudden and unexpected?  I don't know.  Did he reconcile with his father before he died?  I don't know.  Did he ever confess Jesus as his personal Savior?  I.  don't.  know.

Life is hard......and busy.  I'm ashamed.  I have spent a great deal of time building new relationships with people so that I can witness to them about the mercy God has shown me through his son, Jesus Christ, but what about the relationships of my past?  Why don't we look up people from our past - who knew what we were really like - and re-invest in them?  Could it be that we're embarassed to tell people who know what we've done in the past that we were wrong?  I don't know.

Tonight I'm grieving the loss of a friend.  Not the death of a friend, but the loss of a friend.  Not the day he died......the day I quit caring about his circumstances.

Blessings,

~do not disturb~

God is doing big things.  I don't mean to say He's beginning big things, but that I'm beginning to recognize big things.  As Christians, we can jump in and allow God to use us in His big plans, or we can sit idly by and watch God use others to accomplish what He wants.  What a tragedy that we sit too often!

Friday, Glen took half the day off of work so he could run errands for Soleful Saturday, an event our church organized to collect old shoes for The Shoeman Water Project.  He needed to pick up the Jump 'n Space and pick some things up at Sam's Club - both about 30 minutes away.  The kids and I spent the afternoon at homeschool co-op and by the time we were done, Glen was almost back to town so we met him at the church to help him unload. 

After all the food was unloaded, Glen and the kids began pulling the Jump 'n Space out of his truck (which was comical).  He saw a man walking up the street and came inside to ask me for cash.  The man had come by earlier and talked with him.  He told him his name was David and that he was homeless and out of money.  He has a job, but it's 20 minutes away and he doesn't have a car or a place to stay.  Someone he's been riding with was letting him stay with him, but they aren't letting him stay there anymore - he didn't go into the details of that.  Glen didn't have any cash (as usual), but told him to come by between 5 and 6.  It was 4:15.  Let me just say....the fact that this man caught anyone at our church is a miracle in and of itself.  Our church is a small church with a small congregation.  My husband is a bi-vocational pastor, so he isn't there during business hours, and he's the only paid employee (besides the people who clean the church once a week).  While there are people who come and go occasionally to make copies for their class or practice their songs, no one's there on a regular basis.

I had ten dollars on me, so I gave it to Glen.  Glen met the man outside and they talked for a long time.  I called a local motel for prices and Glen drove him there.  We invited him back for Soleful Saturday so we could at least feed him again.  The rest of the evening was busy with last minute things to do.  The next morning was my BSF leader's meeting, so I was up bright and early.  After my meeting, I picked up face paint and headed home to change.  Glen and the kids were already at the church moving tables outside, setting up the Jump 'n Space and setting the stage (or front porch as it's been called for many years!).  Once I got there, I began making tea and lemonade.  People from our church (and even a few friends) filtered in and jumped right in to help! 

As the music started and the hot dogs cooked, I wondered if David would come.  Later, about halfway through the event, he showed up.  As I saw him walking up the street, I was so relieved to see him!  As a church, it's our job to help those in need, but so often the church is taken advantage of.  Many get a little help then never come back.  It's for this reason that our town has a mission that most of the churches donate to.  This way, they can just refer people to the mission when they're asked for help.  A good thought, but here's the problem.....when David needed a place to stay, the mission was full.  All of the places we referred him to were full.  He had exhausted his resources!   It's our job to help.  Period.  Yes, let's be discerning and not give God's money to people we know for sure are taking advantage, but if we don't give because we're "afraid" of what they may spend it on, some will most definitely fall through the cracks.  What about them?  Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."- Matthew 25:40



  I think He is shaking His head at the ones that think they have it figured out.  It's as if they're saying, "Just jump through all of these hoops and if you can pass the test, you've earned the money."  That's how it seems at times.  The early church took care of each other.  They sold all of their possessions and lived together.  They shared their earnings.  There weren't some in the church driving Hummers while some drove Kias.  They shared their wealth - or lack of it. 

Please don't misunderstand!  I know that this is a different time.  Followers of Christ were shunned from their families.  They were left without an inheritance or land.  They weren't allowed to sell in the marketplace.  I know it's a different time, but shouldn't we still bring them into the fold and take care of one another?  Too often we stand at a distance and judge the choices they've made.  We're all just a few choices away from where David is....and some end up homeless by no choice of their own at all.  Many have lost jobs and homes over ailing health or corporate down-sizing. 

David was one of the last ones to leave last night.  He stayed and carried in tables and lugged tea pitchers up the stairs.  He worked hard.  When Glen left, he drove David back to the motel.  This morning, David did not come to church.  We prayed for him, but I thought we had seen him for the last time.  We took up a special offering just in case, though.  When the service was over and people began to leave, David came in.  He had been waiting outside so he didn't "disturb" us!  Are you kidding me?  Is this the message the church is sending?  Do Not Disturb?  Wow!  We assured him he most definitely would not have disturbed us - that we would've LOVED to have him worship with us!  He then began to comment on what he was wearing.  That he wasn't dressed for church. This is why I love God!  He totally uses us when we don't know we're being used.  Riley was laying down in a pew waiting on us to get done talking.  We couldn't see him from where we were, but he raises his leg straight up in the air and says, "It doesn't matter what you wear.  Look, I'm just wearing jeans!"  Too funny!

After Glen talked with him privately, David came out of his office crying.  He couldn't believe our church had helped him.  He made the comment that people of "his own race" hadn't helped.  We gave him a bottle of water and offered a few more to take with him.  He took one but said no to the others.  People would think he was a "hobo".  I thought that was interesting.  Still a man with pride.  It's true that people judge based on appearance.  It also seems as if the more you have, the more we're willing to give you.  Helping someone that actually needs help doesn't happen too often.

David explained that he's going to be trying to stay in the town where he works - which is sensible so he won't need a ride to work, but that probably means we won't see him again.  Glen gave him his business card to call us if he has any problems, and he promised to take up for Glen if he heard anyone bad-mouthing him or our church (not sure why he said that, but I LOVE it!).  On his way out the door, Grayson handed him a Bible to take with him.  He promised her he'd read it. 

Our family and our church family will continue to pray for David.  As soon as David left, the kids remembered they had two donuts left from this morning.  They grabbed them in a hurry and ran them outside to him but he was gone.  Nowhere to be found.  Coincidence?

Please know that I share this, not to lift us up in any way, but as a reminder that we are surrounded by people who need practical help, if we'll only see them with Jesus' eyes.

Yes, God is definitely doing big things.  Not because of us, but through us if we'll allow Him to.

Blessings,

~shoes, water and elvis~

What in the world do shoes have to do with clean water?  Well, last year, my brother told me of an organization near him that collects old shoes, sells them by the pound to retailers in developing countries, then uses the money made to purchase drills for digging wells.  My brother manages a gym and they were working with this ministry, The Shoeman Water Project, and collecting shoes from their members.

I thought this would make an awesome service project for our homeschool group, but Glen said we should get the church involved.  It's been a year, but we've finally gotten it together!  Saturday, October 23 will be "Soleful Saturday" at Community Baptist Church.  If you live in the area, please join us!  Everything starts at 2pm.  We'll have a bounce house for the kids, hot dogs and at 3pm, The Pullen Family will take the stage (or the porch, actually).  After the Pullen's, The praise band, "1-4-G" will lead us in a time of worship.  If you don't want to stay, but just want to drop off your shoes, that's also possible.  We'll have many eager hands waiting to take your shoes as you drive up. 

Today is Blog Action Day and the topic is clean water.  If you'd like to blog about this subject, just link up here.

I must confess, God is working on me.  I think I've been oblivious for far too long.  It's easy to ignore problems of others and focus on my daily struggles (which are NOTHING in comparison).   God has been dealing with me in this area for a little while.  I blogged a little about it here and here.  A few weeks ago, Grayson and I went to a Christian concert.  The Make a Difference Tour, with Max Lucado, Third Day, Michael W. Smith, and Toby Mac.  I knew there would be an opportunity to adopt a child, so Glen and I discussed it and felt it was worthwhile.  We have thought about it before, but wondered where the money would come from - the last thing we wanted to do was leave a kid with no help.  This time, we thought the same thing, but God seems to be telling us to take the step so He can show us how He can provide.  World Vision helps families in developing countries with clean water and food - specifically families effected by AIDS.  I prayed throughout the night for God to point me to the child He had for us.  To make sure I walk up to the right worker and that the first child's folder she took out, would be ours.  When I walked up to her, there was a man flipping through all of the folders and then handed them back and said he would look at more at the table.  What was he looking for?  When it was my turn, she asked if we wanted a boy or a girl.  I knew it had to be a boy.  Riley has been asking for a brother since he was 4!  The first folder she handed me had the meanest little face on it!  Scowling like he definitely did not want his picture made.  When I looked at his name, I could feel God's sense of humor - Elvis.  Elvis!  How sweet!  He's from Kenya and has 3 siblings and a single mom.  No dad.  Such a familiar story.  When I broght the folder home and showed Riley, the first thing he said was, "He looks really mean!".  Well, we'll tell him all about Jesus. 

I have to say, every time I hear about "Elvis" - you know...Presley, I think about our Elvis.  Elvis from Kenya - and I'm reminded to pray for him.  Every time I pray for him, I can't help but smile.

If you would like to learn more about sponsoring a child, visit World Vision on the web.

For too many years I thought I didn't have enough time or money to help.  God is showing ways that don't require "too much", but do require me.

Blessings,

~tough decisions~

Let me start this post exactly like I started the last one:  This week has been a tough week.  I don't know what else to say.  I've been dealing with a "situation" for quite a while that reared it's head again this week.

Three years ago this month, my favorite lady in the entire world died.  My grandma was the only person I really ever wanted to grow up to be like when I was a kid.  She was sweet and kind and always had a smile on her face, plus her fried chicken and mashed potatoes were out of this world! 

After her funeral, we received a rather hateful letter from a mentally ill relative attacking Glen, and though some of what he said can be attributed to the fact that he was grieving, most was just an outlet to spew hate.  He said very hurtful things to Glen regarding his ministry, saying he was hypocritical because he hadn't consoled him at the funeral.  Umm - he was consoling me and our kids (who were 8 and 10 years old).  My gut reaction was to fire a letter back defending my husband, but Glen asked me not to - it would only fuel the fire.  A few weeks later, we received another one.  This one was worse and he even threw in a few curse words for flavor.  Again, I didn't reply.  Over time, with much prayer, I forgave him, though he never asked for it or gave an apology.  Though I forgave him, I knew we couldn't open ourselves up to that kind of abuse again.  Even if he has a mental illness.  Somehow for three years I have avoided being around him, but this weekend was my cousin's wedding. 

A few days before the wedding I received a private message from him on Facebook that simply said, "hi".  When I realized he was on Facebook, I was immediately overcome with anxiety.  He would definitely ask to be my friend.  What do I do?  This would open me up to his comments anytime he had a whim to leave one - no matter how angry or depressed he may feel at the time.  I simply replied, "hi!".

I tried to be cordial at the wedding.  I waved and said hello.  I smiled from afar, but I didn't speak privately to him.  Immediately after the wedding I stood outside of the church talking to family I hadn't seen in years, while he waited in a car to be driven home.   In my head I went back and forth between wanting to reconcile and wanting to make sure I protect my husband.  I had pretty much decided I would try to be Facebook friends and see how it works out.  After all, he had behaved at the wedding and I could always delete him later.

When I came home after the wedding, I had two messages from him - and a friend request.  The first message simply said that the wedding was beautiful, it was good to see me and he wished we had gotten a chance to talk.  The second message was sent exactly one minute after the first and it said, "Have you ever heard of reconciliation?  Or forgiveness?".  That's all.  Nothing else.  No apology.  Not asking for reconciliation or forgiveness, but have I ever heard of it?....

Immediately I knew this "friendship" could not work out.  Though I love him and only want the best for him, I must decline for now.  I don't make this decision lightly, and I've prayed diligently over this matter.  He is a Christian and has many Christian friends.  Hopefully he'll find what he needs in those relationships.
I have always been a defender of this relative and his many "moods" - even before I knew it was mental illness. After working at a mental health center, I grew to understand a little more about his illness, but I must confess, it's still a mystery to me. 

In the ministry, you become a target.  People hold you up on a pedestal and expect you to be perfect and accomplish things no one else can, then they say and do hurtful things when you can't.  I was reminded last week that my confidence is in Christ alone, but also how important it is to place yourself around people who believe that very thing. When you start doubting your call or where God has you, Christian friends will encourage you and lift you up, reminding you where your strength comes from.  "Enemies" will remind you just how incapable you are to complete any task, much less those of Christ, until you doubt you were ever called in the first place.   I only have Christ to model my life after and it's clear that while He ministered to many people from many walks of life, His friends that He surrounded Himself with were like-minded with the same focus.

I'm sure this isn't goodbye forever.  I've realized that though Facebook is wonderful for connecting with people and keeping in touch, I don't think it's the way to go in this situation.  Eventually I'll be open to other forms of communication like letter writing,  but just not eager to get knocked down again so quickly.

Tough decision?  Yes.  The right decision?  Only God knows for sure.

Blessings,

~growing pains~

This week has been a tough week.  Not like you would think.  Not much different than usual, except unusually spiritually and emotionally tough. 

Last week was our first week at Bible Study Fellowship and it was wonderful.  It's always good to come back after summer break and grow in God's Word with other women.  This year we're studying Isaiah, a new study that they haven't done before.  I was so excited to get my first lesson last Saturday morning at leader's meeting.  Usually I come straight home and read the notes, but it was a busy day so I waited until Sunday evening.  One of the first things the notes mentioned was that tradition says that Isaiah was "sawn in two in a tree he had taken refuge in."  Really?  That's when the weight of the book hit me.  Not that I haven't respected God's Word before, but I've heard of the deaths of the New Testament writers.  I honestly hadn't heard this one before, and if this is a man who is willing to hide in a tree and be sawn in two to pass on God's Word.....well, I'd better listen to him! 

That night I dreamed of being chased through a forest and taking refuge in a tree.  I wasn't sawn in two in my dream (thank goodness), but I woke up with a real sense of fear.  I laid awake for a very long time honestly pondering whether or not to continue in the study of Isaiah.  It seems silly, but I really wanted to just meet with God everyday, meet with women every week - no drama.  After sleeping on it, I came to my senses and realized that simply meeting with God without "drama" probably equals no growth, as well.

I began to pray that God use this study of Isaiah to grow me (which should have been my prayer all along), but really had, and still have no idea what that means.  All week I've thought of that dream and what it might mean.  After reading Isaiah chapter 1 and reading about the corrupt leaders and national sin, I began to ask myself if I would be willing to speak Truth so boldly that I would have reason to fear for my life.  Would I?  I probably won't be put in that position, but what if God called me like He called Isaiah?  No matter what the cost.  It's a matter of life and death - either mine or the nation's. 

Last night as I finished up my lesson and homiletics, God grabbed me this time and wouldn't let go.  I had saved a question from a previous day.  Not recommended, but it seemed like a heavy question for the day it was given.  God knew when I would need it.  The question was, "List specific situations of oppression and injustice and ways you can help."  Easy enough, right?  I began making the list, but God kept bringing other ministry ideas to mind.  I realized quickly that this list is endless!  As I read over the list, I realized that even though everything listed was dear to my heart (AIDS orphans, domestic violence, human trafficking, world hunger, providing clean water to areas of the world without it, helping with financial hardships for single or widowed parents....), I knew anything I've ever done hasn't even put a dent in the need.  And I hadn't even finished the list, I just ran out of room.  This list could go on and on.  I wept.  Not just a little.  As Glen was studying at the church and the kids were in bed, I sat by myself on my bed and wept over the list God had given me.  I texted Glen, "I quit.  This is too hard!"  He replied, "WOW, must be a tough study!"  Yes, but after much pleading with God, He spoke to my heart..."Isn't growth tough?"

I don't know if God was testing me to make sure I'm ready for the ride, or if Satan was wrestling with me so I would quit.  Whichever isn't important, only that I'm not quitting. 

I spoke with Glen today about how burdened I am and we agree that our family has to do more.  How much more is yet to be revealed by God.  I don't know what He has planned for our family through the study of Isaiah, but I know I can't quit now.  I'm so pumped!

Blessings,

~bad habits and busyness~

I've developed a new bad habit.  Actually, I'm not even sure I can call it that.  You decide....

We homeschool our kids, so life has gotten busier in the last few weeks since school began.  Gone are the lazy days of summer (Ha! As if....).  We're back to business (or should I say busyness?).  While I would like to tell you how organized and efficient I am as a wife and mom, I'd be lying.  I am the type of person that works better from a list - but most days I can't even find it!  Lately I've been known to have 3 or 4 partial lists, because I've misplaced the previous ones!  This is so frustrating!  I'm not really sure how it happens.....it just does.  (That sounded so much like my ten year old son!)  My husband thinks I'm crazy.  Oh, he doesn't say it, but the look on his face says it all.  It's not uncommon for him to be going through the mail or a book and find one of my lists - from weeks or even months prior!  No kidding!

Recently I've added a new bad habit, though.  My laundry room is all the way in the back of my house.  Out of the way, which is good.....and bad.  My laundry routine lately is to:

1. Take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket. 

2. Put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and start the dryer. 

3. Start the water in the washer along with a capful of liquid detergent (so that the detergent is dilluted by the time I get the clothes into the washer.)

4. Leave laundry room with intentions of collecting dirty clothes from our bedrooms.

5. Bring basket of clothes from the dryer into the living room to fold, then put away. 

6. Forget all about the fact that the washing machine is filling up and proceed with other duties. 

7.  Go to sleep and wake up.  Begin again at #1 - only to realize the soapy water has been sitting in my washing machine overnight! 

Ewww!  There is no way I am washing clothes in that water!  I am wasting so much water......and soap!  I'm trying to remember to take a basket of clothes with me when I first go to the laundry room - but I'm finding it hard to change my ways!  Am I going crazy?  Please tell me I'm not the only one that's this forgetful!

Blessings,

~don't cry over broken.....glass?~

We have a neighbor who's a young mom of two.  She's in the process of a divorce and she's recently gone back to school.  I know she must be exhausted, but I usually can't think of many ways to help.  Since we homeschool, I don't have much free time to give.

Last week, she was mowing her lawn and her mower broke mid-lawn.  There was just this giant square of tall grass in the middle of her front yard.  I felt so bad for her, but thought her dad would help her out.  A few days later, Glen offered to mow it for her on Friday when he mowed ours.  What an opportunity to teach our kids to reach out.  I was so proud of Riley!  While Glen used the weed-eater, Riley mowed her lawn.  Everything was going just as Glen had planned, until a stick or rock flew up and busted out the back windshield of my car. 

Uggh!  What are you gonna do?  Right after our discussion about the money we need to put back for our trip to Chicago in November (for my brother's wedding), and the shower I'm giving his fiance in October, and well, let's not forget Christmas......BAM!

The hardest part was the initial conversation.  I heard Glen tell Riley to wait on the porch and "whatever you do, don't come in."  As he began to tell me the story of what happened, I jumped to conclusions and thought Riley was hurt.  I began to tear up, only to find out it was only the window.  I think that may have been his plan:)

Glen cleaned up the glass and covered the opening as neatly as he could with a trash bag (until we bought a drop cloth, which was much better) and bright green tape (Hey!  It's what we had!).  I wasn't embarrassed (okay, maybe a little),  but it was so annoying.  It was really noisy and every time I picked up speed, it inflated like a parachute!

Monday morning, I was taking Grayson to orchestra class at the junior high and we couldn't hear each other over the racket in the back!  I said, "I'm really sorry about this Grayson.  I know it's embarrassing to be dropped off with a trash bag on the window."  Words cannot begin to describe my feelings regarding her reaction.  She said, "Why would I be embarrassed?  This is just life, Mom.  No biggee".  What did she say?  Are you kidding me?

Glen and I talked about her reaction and he said, "Would you have been embarrassed at her age?"  I don't know.  I hope not, but I see so much shallowness on television, that I guess I made the assumption that she would be.  Shame on me! 

The neighbor bought our family pizza for helping her!  What a blessing!  The window was fixed yesterday, and even though I would rather have not spent the money on a new window, we got a good deal on it (Thanks, God) and I learned a little something about my daughter - and me.  Lessons don't come cheap around our house:) 

Blessings,

~slipping away~

 I know, I know!  It's been FOREVER since I've posted a blog!  My summer was packed with activity!  Grayson and Riley both played ball, which led into all-stars.  Never have they both made an all-star team at the same time.  I'm thankful they did, but I'm also thankful it doesn't happen often:)


In the last few weeks I have searched my heart and searched God's Word for answers for fears I've been having.  I have felt inadequate in several areas.  As a mom, I'm sometimes pulled in several directions, headed in every direction- except the direction I feel I should be. We started school today and I don't have everything planned out like I want it.  This will inevitably lead to being unorganized.  I have unfinished projects, the laundry's not caught up, the dog needs a bath, etc.

As I searched for what was bothering me, I realized I had been feeling anxious for a while.  Probably months.  I love homeschooling my kids, but can I really do as good as the school?  (God quickly gave me a situation to relate to with a definite answer - YES!)  I think my fears are coming from the fact that Grayson is turning 13 in a few weeks.  Why am I stressing over a number?  It seems like only yesterday I was singing to her in my belly, but 13 years?  Wow!  I started to feel as if I've lost control and time is slipping away. 

There is a verse I use with a friend who has a son with chronic health problems.  Philippians 4:6. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.."  So I did.  Another verse God led me to was Matthew 6:34.  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Why am I finding this so hard?  The more stressed I became, the worse it got.  Suddenly I was convinced that my sweet little girl would be caught up in all kinds of trouble - just like you see in the movies...or worse!  As I sought an answer from God, he quieted me with the reality that nothing will go as I have planned, but He is faithful and He has a plan for her.  Thank goodness I'm not in control!  As long as I'm resolved to teach her and continue to lead her to Him, I should have no worries.  Not that she will have a perfect life with no problems, but that she will learn to lean into Him when she struggles, just as He has taught me to do.

I'm looking forward to her teenage years!  There.  I said it.   She is beautiful and smart and compassionate and loving.  She's loud and fun and spontaneous!  I'm excited for the years that await!  How tall will she be?  Who will she marry?  Will she have children?  How many?  Will she work outside the home or stay home with them?  Will she homeschool them?

She has kept me on my knees all of her life, and I'll continue to pray for her....that's what mom's do:) But I will take every day as God gives it...one at a time.



Blessings,

~i'll take it any way i can get it~

Yesterday was Memorial Day, and although I have many veterans in my life and I am thankful for my freedom, lately any day that Glen has off has become a day to "catch up" on cleaning and organizing.  I know Glen must LOVE this!

We started the day by having breakfast in bed, made by our sweet 12 year old, Grayson.  She's learning the finer points of cooking, and we're letting her practice on us;-)  Last time she made omelets, Glen informed her that he likes "the works" on his!  She made sure I got everything she needed from the store - and she loaded his omelet down with ham, cheese, onion and God only knows what else...  I'm a simple girl - cheese only, please.

So that was pretty much the end of our holiday.  From the time we got up, we got busy.  Glen did yard work (and Riley helped), then showered, then started organizing the bedroom.  Closets, drawers, you name it.....even my jewelry box!  That thing hasn't been organized in a decade!

I cleaned in the rest of the house, while the kids cleaned in their rooms.  They weeded out clothes that don't fit and even cleaned under their beds (I don't even want to know what lurks under there!) - and yes, that took all day.  I am ashamed to say that as much as I love a clean house, with everything neatly in it's place and the smell of (insert your favorite scented cleaner here - mine is Pine Sol), I cannot keep it that way for the life of me!  I don't know if it's because we're so busy and we're in and out of our house so often, or if it's because we homeschool - so the kids are always there (the down-side to the up-side), or if we're just slobs!  Whatever the reason, I hate the fact that I can't keep it together.  One elderly lady from church always says, "One day you'll have all the time you need to keep a clean house.  Just enjoy those kids!"  I don't want to wish my time away with my kids, I'd just like to enjoy them in a clean house;-)  The easy answer here is to hire someone to help, but I can't justify spending the money when I'm home!  Also, at this point, I feel I need to clean up for the cleaning lady;-)

As a side-note, after I walked into the bedroom last night, exhausted from the day, I looked up at my pretty wrought iron candle holder hanging on the wall to find that Glen had conveniently turned it into a hat rack.  I was too tired to fight about it.  I'll sneak them into the closet at some point.  Right now I'm just grateful for his help - and I'll take it any way I can get it!

Blessings,

~frustration~

Apparently after my husband came to bed last night, he asked me to read a certain passage of scripture and give my opinion on it today....I don't recall that conversation at all!  Anyway, after he came home from work tonight, he mowed the lawn and we ate dinner.  After dinner we were talking and the subject came up - to which I had no response because I had no idea I was supposed to:) 

Glen had formed an opinion long ago regarding the idea this passage eluded to and I did too.  I won't go into what he believes or what I believe because I don't want to stir up controversy - we'll save that for Sunday morning:)  The interesting thing is that I didn't come to the same conclusion that he did this time.  I'm not quick to say one way or the other, but leaning toward the other:)  After almost seventeen years of marriage, we are disagreeing on a pretty big biblical concept.  Nothing that has to do with salvation - that's clear.  This is a gray area that really shouldn't even be argued over (not that we argued - it was just discussion I promise- the kind you can have in front of the kids). 

After what seemed like FOREVER, we agreed to disagree.  The crazy thing is, I'm now the source of his frustration!  Am I not supposed to be his "helper"?  It used to be unknown people or unimportant people that he could easily dismiss.  Uh-oh....we may have to avoid this for awhile!  Neither of us are avoiders so this may be tricky;-)  Pray for him.....with a wife like me, he deals with more than you know:)

Blessings,

~mother's day~

Today, like every Saturday morning I woke up around 4:30 to get to bible study leader's meeting, but hadn't gotten to sleep until after 1:00. I'm not sure what's been going on with me - a lot on my mind, I suppose.

Leader's meeting was wonderful as usual. Bitter-sweet because this was our last discussion until September. I'm finding that, though I'll miss BSF this summer, I'm in need of a break. It will be nice to have a few months of Saturday mornings to sleep a little longer and Monday evenings with Glen and the kids. I'm praying we are intentional regarding how we spend our new found time this summer. The last thing I want to happen is for the enemy to throw new activities our way! He's made a habit of that already.

When I got home from leader's meeting this morning, Glen wasn't awake yet. He had a late night of studying last night, so I let him sleep. My plan was to accomplish a lot today - but we mostly just spent some time together. I can't complain - it was good. My brother came in town and we met for dinner with Mom. It was nice to relax and laugh with family - not rushing on to other activities. We even went into the mall and wondered around for about an hour when we were done (after much pleading from the kids!).

It's after midnight, the kids are in bed, Glen is still studying and I'm sitting here with hair color on:)  As I was thinking back on what a good time we had and how we didn't have to rush, it hit me that Glen is still working! Putting last minute touches on his sermon and looking up Scripture for tomorrow night's service. Why did I not think to hurry home so he could get started earlier? I was just so glad to sit for a while and not have anything robbing family time, I didn't think of what I was robbing Glen of.

He is a bi-vocational pastor, so he spends his days working at a job he enjoys and that supports our family. His evenings are spent with us - having dinner together, bouncing from ball practice to ball game or watching a movie together or playing games. When the kids go to bed at 9 or 10, he heads up to the church for quiet time and in-depth Bible study - his passion. Yes - he begins after the kids are tucked in.  Many hours are poured over his Bible, usually depriving him of much needed sleep that we take for granted.

As I've thought about this tonight, I think of what life would be like if he didn't sacrifice so much.  We'd make it, by God's grace, but I would probably spend many hours away from the family to make ends meet.   Thinking about Mother's Day makes me realize that I am nowhere near the kind of mom I'd hoped to be, but without the sacrifices of my husband, I wouldn't be the mom I am. 

Tonight I'm praying for God to show me specific ways I can help Glen this week.  Though he will still need to study, my goal is to take care of things that hold up the process.  I'm not sure what this will look like.  Maybe I can research a few things and have them printed out or I can help him prepare a power point (probably not, he's way better at that than me!).  Tonight I started by ironing his shirt for tomorrow morning.  As a stay-at-home mom, you would think that would already be done.  Not with our crazy schedule!

Feel free to leave suggestions letting me know how you help your husband maximize his time - or how you would if you were me. I'm always open to new ideas - especially those who've walked this path before me.

Thanks Glen for all you do that enables me to "train up" our kids in the way we believe to be right.  You're the best and I'm thankful for you!

Blessings,