Monday, August 23, 2010

~slipping away~

 I know, I know!  It's been FOREVER since I've posted a blog!  My summer was packed with activity!  Grayson and Riley both played ball, which led into all-stars.  Never have they both made an all-star team at the same time.  I'm thankful they did, but I'm also thankful it doesn't happen often:)

In the last few weeks I have searched my heart and searched God's Word for answers for fears I've been having.  I have felt inadequate in several areas.  As a mom, I'm sometimes pulled in several directions, headed in every direction- except the direction I feel I should be. We started school today and I don't have everything planned out like I want it.  This will inevitably lead to being unorganized.  I have unfinished projects, the laundry's not caught up, the dog needs a bath, etc.

As I searched for what was bothering me, I realized I had been feeling anxious for a while.  Probably months.  I love homeschooling my kids, but can I really do as good as the school?  (God quickly gave me a situation to relate to with a definite answer - YES!)  I think my fears are coming from the fact that Grayson is turning 13 in a few weeks.  Why am I stressing over a number?  It seems like only yesterday I was singing to her in my belly, but 13 years?  Wow!  I started to feel as if I've lost control and time is slipping away. 

There is a verse I use with a friend who has a son with chronic health problems.  Philippians 4:6. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.."  So I did.  Another verse God led me to was Matthew 6:34.  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Why am I finding this so hard?  The more stressed I became, the worse it got.  Suddenly I was convinced that my sweet little girl would be caught up in all kinds of trouble - just like you see in the movies...or worse!  As I sought an answer from God, he quieted me with the reality that nothing will go as I have planned, but He is faithful and He has a plan for her.  Thank goodness I'm not in control!  As long as I'm resolved to teach her and continue to lead her to Him, I should have no worries.  Not that she will have a perfect life with no problems, but that she will learn to lean into Him when she struggles, just as He has taught me to do.

I'm looking forward to her teenage years!  There.  I said it.   She is beautiful and smart and compassionate and loving.  She's loud and fun and spontaneous!  I'm excited for the years that await!  How tall will she be?  Who will she marry?  Will she have children?  How many?  Will she work outside the home or stay home with them?  Will she homeschool them?

She has kept me on my knees all of her life, and I'll continue to pray for her....that's what mom's do:) But I will take every day as God gives at a time.


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