~shrinky dink my world~

Pinterest is all the rage lately!  I seem to be pulled there by some weird magnetic force every time I get online.  It's addictive!  While I am a creative person and I'm inspired by a lot of the projects I see on Pinterest, I know I'll never get around to making most of them.  I did want to try to do a few projects with the kids this Christmas so they could give gifts to their grandparents.

Fast forward to this past Friday night.  Hubby and I went Christmas shopping in a nearby town and we stopped in Hobby Lobby to buy supplies for a few projects.  We were in the store browsing aimlessly through the Christmas decorations for an entire 5 minutes when we heard over the intercom, "Hobby Lobby will close in 5 minutes".  WHAT???  We ran in two different directions to hurry and gather what we needed.  I glanced over the Shrinky Dink plastic film and hurriedly decided to buy the kind you can run through an inkjet printer ($12.99 for 5 sheets).  Yes folks, you heard right.  Shrinky Dinks!!!

 I had intended to make rings for a few family members (and myself, of course!) - a project I had seen on Pinterest that directed me to here.   I have quite a bit of experience with those pre-made Shrinky Dink things that you paint, then stick in the oven, but I have never in my life heard of making anything else besides a suncatcher! Where have I been???  My world just opened up to tons of new ideas!  Once I quickly glanced over the package, I found other ideas - one being a keychain.  I grabbed a package of beaded key chain ($1.50 for 20 chains) and headed to the checkout.


I decided that tonight while my husband was in class, the kids and I would give it a try.  I would make sure to print out the designs beforehand so there were no mishaps.  This afternoon, I got everything ready to print (making sure to set my pictures at 75% transparency like the directions said) and the paper kept getting jammed in the printer.  I took it up to our church and the same thing happened!  I must say, I was beginning to freak out a bit!  I finally called someone I knew and we were able to print.  The only problem - it wasn't a color printer.  No problem!  It printed in shades of gray and actually turned out well!  Here's a picture of the final product.  The light picture in the background is the original size and color of the print.  After shrinking down, the colors get richer. I laid them on a foil covered cookie sheet in a pre-heated 325 degree oven for 2 minutes.  By the way, you have to make sure you use a hole punch to make the hole for the chain before you bake it.  Any imperfections you make while cutting will only intensify after it shrinks, unfortunately.  Thankfully these are for grandparents and they're usually blind to those silly mistakes:)

Don't you just love it?  I think the grandmas will be thrilled!  What I love most about this is that this picture was taken with a phone and was really grainy and not good quality when it was blown up.  Because it was shrunk, the picture looks better!  Amazing!

For less than $15 I made 6 keychains and still have more paper!  One sheet was wasted after sticking in the printer.  I used 2 sheets to print the pictures and some designs for some simple jewelry.   I still have 2 sheets that haven't been touched.  The possiblities are endless!

Check back soon because the plan is to try our hand at the rings tomorrow!  I'm so excited I won't be able to sleep!

Blessings,

~stunted growth~

Several weeks ago, my husband began preaching through the book of Genesis.  I must confess to you, I wasn't thrilled.  While I didn't grow up in church, since becoming a Christian over 17 years ago, I have taught countless lessons and craft projects about creation and the fall of man to numerous preschoolers!  What could be left to learn, right?  Wrong!

I think it's interesting that when God told Adam and Eve that they had done wrong, Adam blamed Eve and she blamed the serpent.  Neither wanted to acknowledge their sin - and neither sorry.  Fast forward to chapter 4.  Cain murders Abel because Abel's offering is pleasing to God and his isn't.  When God tells Cain of his punishment, he is clearly upset over the punishment, but not repentant.  God tells him he'll be a wanderer, yet he builds a city - and names it for his son.  Disobeying God and keeping the glory for man instead of giving glory to God.  Later, Cain's great great great grandson, Lamech killed two men.  When he confessed his sin to his wives, he said, "If Cain's revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech's is seventy-seven fold."  Lamech confessed his sin.

In my quiet time recently, God has revealed big truths in tiny bites.  Today He layed it on thick!  Am I truly repentant?  Am I sorry for the sins I commit, or am I sorry I've been caught or sorry I'll be punished?  When God reveals sin in my life, I usually let life's busyness be my excuse.  I can't count the times I've thrown together unhealthy meals for my family at the last minute or put quiet time with God on the back burner because our family schedule filled up before I squeezed it in.  What am I teaching my children through my disobedience?  It's easy to see through the book of Genesis that unconfessed sin can become generational sin.  Nothing would grieve my heart more than to know that I have stunted my children's growth in the Lord.

How many times have you heard a parent encourage their child to lie so they don't get in trouble?  It happens, though I'm sure they wouldn't call it lying.  It's deception nonetheless. Sometimes the consequences are too great for Mom and Dad to bear.  If little Johnny admits that he vandalized cars in the school parking lot, he won't get to play football.  If Sally tells Mary that she took her baby doll, Mary won't want to be her friend anymore.  It sounds ridiculous, but it happens!  While these are extremes, and most of us can never imagine allowing things like this to go on, we probably can imagine not grounding our four year old from television because it would mean I wouldn't have that 30 minutes during Dora to clean up the kitchen, or not taking away the Nintendo DS, because it keeps him quiet in the car on the way to Grandma's.  When we allow half-hearted repentance to us without consequences, we're setting our kids up to half-heartedly obey God.

Please don't think this post is about my terrible, disobedient children - far from it.  They're great!  I couldn't ask for better kids!  This is about me.  I've given excuses to God time and time again, like 'I can't help it', 'I'm under too much pressure', 'we're so busy' and I'm sure God's favorite is 'You know how I am....'  The problem is that God is never okay with an unrepentant heart.

While I can never perfect my walk with God, and I can't protect my kids from all sin, I can teach them to be repentant and graciously accept God's correction so He is glorified in their obedience.

The question is not if I sin or how often.  Obviously I'm not perfect and never will be, but what kind of example am I setting when I know I'm sinning and refuse to stop, or let my day dictate my attitude instead of standing firm on the Word?  Do I stop and call upon the name of the Lord?

God is continually sanding down the rough edges of my heart and molding me into who He wants me to be.  It's my belief that, besides the Holy Spirit, there is no better tool for transforming the heart than that of a child entrusted to you.  My heart's desire is to submit to Him fully in obedience, for my own sake - and the good of my kids.

Blessings,

~things are buzzing around here~

It seems that lately when I think about blogging, I think of ten other things I have to get done first!  There is much to do, but I simply had to write about our recent happenings! 

Because we homeschool our kids, we look for activities that include socializing and learning.  One of the ways we've been able to incorporate both is through 4H.  We've participated for three years and have loved it!  Our kids have taken welding and sailing classes and Grayson is taking sewing.  It really is a great resource.  Last year, a man in our club offered to teach beekeeping.  I must be honest.  I was completely fascinated and scared all at the same time!  I tried my best to talk my kids into signing up, but they were both totally against it.  It does sound crazy, but it's great science!  This year however, I put my foot down.  I told them they were taking it.  No options - 'cuz I'm Mom and I say so.  I knew after they got over their initial fears, they would have fun and they eventually began to love the idea!  No compaints at all.

The morning of their first meeting I had leader's meeting for Bible Study Fellowship, but I arrived home by 9 am.  Their meeting was at 10.  As I prepared to head out the door, Glen jumped up and said I could stay home and he would take them.  Obviously I wasn't staying home!  I was going!  So we all went.  All of the other kids in the class had taken it last year, so they were preparing to have hives of their own.  When we were asked, I thought we would just observe and learn, but Glen said, "No, let's get a hive!  What better way to learn?"  So we began preparing.  We looked up boxes and plans and he had full intentions of making a box, however life got busy.  Glen is taking two classes this semester, plus he has a full-time job as well as his ministry.  He went out of town 3 out of 4 weeks last month and we had a church member who became ill and passed away.  Before we knew it, it was time to pick up the bees and we had no box.  Glen quickly checked around and found a man 2 1/2 hours away who builds bee boxes.  Last Saturday (after an all day class for Glen and Grayson's basketball game) we made a quick trip to pick it up.

We finally arrived at our leader's house to pick up our bees at 9:30 pm.  I know they must have been thrilled that we waited until the absolute last minute!  When I saw the bees, once again I was amazed at these little creatures!  The queen hung inside a box and literally thousands (12,000 - 15,000 to be more precise!) of bees were clustered around her - protecting her.  There were even a few on the outside of the box who were focused and hanging on.  As our leader placed the bees in our car (yes, inside), Riley jumped out of the car crying, "I hate bees!"   It never occured to me that this would be such a major thing!  We got him calm enough to get home, but he sat on the edge of his seat the whole way.  Just in case he needed to jump out, I guess!  I was thinking, "are we crazy?"

After arriving home, the kids and I went inside while Glen dealt with the bees.  He did a super job!  He borrowed gloves and a hat with a vail from our leader.  I duct taped all of the edges of his clothing so bees didn't get in.  I wish I had pictures, but it was 10 pm and we were ready to be done!  After hanging the queen inside of our new box, he dumped the box of bees in the new bee box and headed inside - but not unscathed.  He managed to get stung - though only once, on his calf.

Obviously we knew there would be stings.  We've all been stung before, so we knew no one was allergic.....famous last words.  Glen woke up Sunday morning with major pain in his calf and it was swollen.  Sunday evening he got nauseous and ran a low grade fever.  Monday morning he couldn't put any weight on it, so he went to the doctor and was given a round of steroids and anti-biotics to take.  Last night, he laid on the couch and just had me rub it for what seemed like forever, because it itches. 
I know you're thinking we immediately got rid of the bees.  I must confess, I thought that's the way this story would end.  It would make since, right?  I even talked to the kids and prepared them for it.  Obviously if you're allergic to bees, you don't own any!  I mean, that's why we don't have a cat, for goodness sake!  Last night, I talked to Glen to see what he wants to do.  He's not your average guy.  "Just wait", he said.  Wait?  For what?  Wait to see how it goes.  Don't rush the decision.  One non-life threatening allergic reaction doesn't mean you're allergic.  Typical Glen.  Putting the kids before himself.  So we're waiting....

Meanwhile, we're getting attached to the bees - even Riley.  Yesterday he called me on his cell phone from across the street.  He was so excited, "Mom, our bees are in their garden!!!".  I'm not quite sure how he knew they were ours, but I'm glad they're already at work!  Glen even mowed the yard in shorts tonight, so I guess he's not afraid to get stung again.  Let me just state the obvious by saying if I had been the one to get stung and have that reaction, the bees would be gone!  In a New York minute.  Just sayin'.

Blessings,

~the great christian cover-up~

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but this week I've had something on my mind.  What is our main job as Christians?  To make disciples?  How are we to do this if we're not real about our own struggles?  Also, how can we be held accountable if we keep our struggles a secret?

If you've read many of my blogposts, you know I didn't grow up in church.  Far from it, in fact.  I was born out of wedlock to a teenage mom and my mom became a Christian the same year I did.  I was twenty one - she was 39.  When my mom found out she was pregnant at age 17, she also found out that my dad had gotten another girl pregnant.  He married the other girl.  I have a half-sister who's 15 days older than me.  I say this to say that, while human nature takes over and we all have tendencies to hide our mistakes and put our best face forward, I have never had a desire to pretend things are perfect.  For the most part, what you see is what you get.  I have some struggles that I deal with that I share openly, and I have more private struggles that only a close few know about.  I try to share everything with Glen in an attempt to be held accountable, but I don't think that's the norm for most Christians.  The longer I'm a Christian, the more "plastic" people I meet.  You know, the kind that seem like they have it all together and always have!  (I should also say that I have met many wonderful, authentic Christians who have opened up and let me in their world).  I don't say this to judge, it's definitely only because of the path God set me on that I tend to be more transparent by nature (sometimes to a fault!).  I spent my entire childhood embarassed that my parents weren't married, but when your last name isn't the same as your dad's and your sister is your same age, you have to be upfront with people.  I'm sure I tried to cover it up from time to time (and I definitely didn't approach the subject first), but there came a time when I realized it wasn't my mistake and I shouldn't be embarassed by it.  (This excludes having to tell my kids when they were old enough to understand.  I definitely wanted to pretend everything was perfect for them). 

Over time, however, I came to another realization - we all make mistakes, and not only should I not be embarassed by them, I should glory in the fact that God rescued me from that and I should be upfront with everyone.  I should not only share about my past, but about my current struggles as well.  People need to see that other Christians are real people.  While it's not always appropriate to share every struggle while you're in the midst of it, it is appropriate to share that God is dealing with you in a certain area - and it's always appropriate to share after God has brought you out of it!  I'm still treading lightly on this path where my kids are concerned.  I definitely want to be real with them, but I don't want to over-share regarding my past.  So far, God has given me words to speak to them.  I can only trust that He'll continue to do so.

Recently I learned of a boy from my childhood who is involved in a very sinful lifestyle.  This is someone that was raised in a Christian home.  I was saddened when I read his blogpost that said the first time he went to a gay bar alone, he ran into a pastor from church camp.  This seemed somehow to put the stamp of approval on it - almost normalizing it.  I've never walked in his shoes and I don't presume to know all of the ends and outs of homosexuality.  I only know what I learned from the gay men my mom worked with as a hairdresser, and that the Bible says any kind of sex outside of marriage is wrong. 

Yesterday I read that the Executive Director of the Missouri Baptist Convention gave his resignation for "immoral acts with a woman".  While I'm not surprised (not because I know this to be in his character, but because he's a human being),  it seems like one more scar on the church.  One more excuse people will give for "the church" letting them down. 

None of us are perfect, but do we convey that enough to other believers, and unbelievers for that matter?  How do we get rid of the myth that Christians are perfect?  How, in trying to live a life, holy and pleasing to God, do we really get across the fact that we are only holy because of the blood shed on our behalf?   It's probably evident, but let me say out loud that I seriously screw up on a daily basis.   If you're lifting me up as someone to be like, you need to raise your bar - I'm way off the mark!

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:8-9

While praying about both of these situations, God began to lay on my heart that this is the very reason we are to be transparent.  If I am not willing to share my story of how God has gotten me through the trials in my life and in the process, help out a fellow believer, what exactly is the purpose in Him getting me through them?  These are also reasons to have an  accountability partner.  Satan does his best work where there are secrets.  In both of the cases above, men in the ministry not only sinned, but led someone else into deeper sin.  Recognizing our weaknesses and having someone to hold us accountable are key.

So while I don't usually put on a fake face and pretend things are perfect, after thinking about the previous situations, I'm feeling convicted for covering up for other people.  A very close member of my family is participating in a lifestyle I don't want my kids around.  The issue is not whether I'll let her see my kids.  I will, I just don't want her lifestyle flaunted in front of them.  I have let her see the kids at our house or in public, as long as there's no mention of what she's doing.   As I'm thinking about transparency and "being real", I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  I can only pray that I am.  Do I let them know what she's doing and that I don't agree with it, thus using her as an example or do I pretend everything's fine for now in order to protect her reputation?   I don't want to make her look bad, but my fear is that my kids will find out anyway and not know that I stood against what she was doing.  Oh Lord, let my motives be pure and pleasing to You!
 Blessings,

Merry Christmas!

Christmas blessings from the Cantrell Clan!



~to my brother~

My little brother married the love of his life yesterday!  I couldn't happier for them!

The following was my toast to them at the rehearsal dinner:

Blake (or Greg as you're called now),
When I was seven years old, my “only child” status was ripped away! I didn't want a little sister and God saw fit to give me a brother.  I was thrilled! From the time you were born, I made it my mission to protect you. Nothing or no one would hurt you – I made sure. As long as you were in earshot, I was paying attention. When you were a little boy, at the first sign of a loose dog, I could hear you scream, “SISSYYYYYY!!!!!!”, and I was off and running! Thankfully I was much quicker back then:)

You have taken many laps around the block on my handlebars – and many trips down Broadway, ducking down in my backseat so no one could see you (at my request!). You endured many forms of torture – most in fun and most involving a curling iron and hairspray. (I need to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for that!) You have always made friends easily and had many of them. You were never a follower, but stood out among them as a leader. From early on, however, it was clear that you would NOT be taking the first girl that came along! At twelve years old, girls began calling to see what the “math assignment” was, only to be hung up on for not listening in class:) You simply would not be bothered by such immaturity!

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am to be your sister. You are no longer a “pesty” little brother, but a close friend. The life you live is a reflection of the quality of your character. You are focused, you know what you want, you work hard and enjoy life – the only thing that was missing was someone to enjoy life with.



Jessie,

Glen and I knew from the moment we met you that you were the perfect fit for Greg – and we loved you! You are positive and fun and easy to talk to and comfortable to laugh with. I am thrilled to be gaining a sister! I'm looking forward to many shopping trips, telephone calls and holidays around the table!  I can see that you love my brother – and I know he'll be safe with you.

Though marriage is wonderful, God uses us to help refine one another and draw us closer to each other and ultimately to Him. Know that refinement isn't always easy, but always worth the hard work!

Congratulations! We love you both and are praying God's best blessings for you! No one is cheering you on more than us!

If you didn't grow up with us, this probably didn't make much sense to you, but if you did, you know that when we were little, we were never apart.  Until I left home, I was definitely his caretaker:)

It's wonderful to see them so happy!  The wedding was beautiful and fun - just like the bride and groom!  Still in Chicago, but headed home this week.  I'll try to post more about the wedding later.

Blessings,




~trusting and praying~

Glen and I try to "pray without ceasing" concerning our kids.  Since before we began to homeschool, we have prayed about their education and which route to take.  God had laid homeschool on our hearts long before He led us to it.  They went to Christian school for several years before God called us to homeschool.  Every year, we have tried to make sure we're listening for God's voice where their education is concerned.  Are we homeschooling because we're called to it, or because it's the habit we're in now and we don't want to change what we're doing?  Each year we have heard God say, "Yes!  Homeschool!".  Without a doubt, it has been His plan.  This year however, we have had questions since the beginning of the year.  Not for both kids, but for our daughter.  She'll be in ninth grade next year and we have felt it would be a good time for her to go back - if it's God's plan.  Everything I have read says your high schooler must be in agreement to continue homeschooling through high school.  That makes sense.  School is not an option, but they should start getting some input about how they are schooled.  I just knew, given the choice, she'd pick school.  She's SO social!  She would also have the option of competing in sports and music competitions - which are important to her.  My immediate response was "NO!".  I cherish the time we spend together.  I love that I am her biggest influence (some days, admittedly not the best influence, however!)  My second reaction was to keep my feelings to myself.  If I told Glen, I was afraid he would jump on the opportunity before I could give my input (in case you didn't know, I'm a recovering control-freak!), and if I told Grayson, she would definitely jump on the opportunity to spend more time with friends and less time with me!

After several days of feeling like I needed to talk to Glen (funny how God does this), I was relieved to know he was having the same feelings.  Relieved and stressed out all at the same time.  Relieved that I wasn't crazy, stressed that I may have to send her.  We agreed to pray about it the rest of the year, then see where we are at the end of the school year.  Neither one would ask Grayson's opinion for now - after all, we're the parents (and I already knew her answer!).  Within a few weeks, we had both broken the agreement.  While talking with her, I felt there was an opening in the conversation where I could ask without it being a major ordeal.  I simply said, "Daddy and I are praying about whether we'll keep homeschooling you next year.  What d'ya think?"  She said, "I don't know".  I don't know?  She didn't jump at the chance to bust out of this joint?  I dropped it, but talked to Glen the next day.  Apparently the same kind of opening had come up in a conversation he had with her!  She gave him more information, though (yes, I'm totally jealous!).  She told him she was afraid that if she went to school, she'd lose her homeschooled friends.  Wow.  That's when it hit me.

I have grown very close to the moms in our homeschool co-op.  They are some of the best women I know - committed to Christ and to homeschooling.  I can call any of them or shoot them an email asking for prayer, and I know without a doubt they've got my back.  They are encouragers and a support system that I've so needed and drawn from as I've homeschooled my kids these last four years.  I began to realize that part of the reason I don't want her to go to school is because it may eventually lead to Riley going to school.....which would end our homeschool co-op days with other homeschool families.  These are times I treasure.  I know these ladies will always be friends, but I wouldn't spend as much time with them.  I definitely have to take "me" out of the equation.  "I" want more time with her, "I" want us to spend time with these families - but what does God want for our family?  There was definitely something to what Grayson said.  Will she lose her friends?  Probably not.  But will she spend alot less time with them?  Definitely!

I'm realizing that even at thirteen, she gives this decision more thought than I originally gave her credit for.  I still won't let her make the decision - that will be ours to make - by God's leading, but I'm considering her input to be much more valuable than I thought it would.  God will definitely use her to help reveal His will to us!

For now I'll just be faithful to pray....and trust that He will work all things for His good and for ours.
Blessings,

~hallow-weenies~

Halloween is over!  Our family hasn't celebrated Halloween in 8 years.  When Grayson was in kindergarten, she told us she thought we shouldn't do it because it was mean.  As parents, we wanted to respect her convictions and truthfully, we couldn't find any good in it, so we stopped.  We began what I would now call "hiding out" on Halloween.  Although it was Grayson's conviction, we had a younger child that didn't have the same feelings!  He was not happy about our decision!  Sometimes we played games with friends at the church, sometimes we went to a movie and out to eat, one year we even went to the Missouri Baptist Convention, but we never stayed at home.  I didn't want them to see all of the kids coming to the door and think they were missing out on something. 

This year is different.  I'm not sure why - just feeling like we shouldn't be "hiding".  A friend put it best when she said, "How often do strangers knock on your door?  It's a perfect opportunity to witness!"  Our kids are now 11 and 13.  They both have convictions about Halloween, and are old enough to pass out candy without thinking they're missing out.  We made copies of Halloween coloring pages that we found online and printed a tract along with an invitation to our church on the back.  I just folded them in half like a brochure when I was done.  We bought mini boxes of crayons and passed them out along with our candy.  The kids had so much fun!  Both of our kids like young children.  I'm not sure why, but they always play with the little ones.  This was so much fun for them!  We ordered pizza and watched movies after the trick-or-treaters left.  What a stress-free evening - the perfect family night!

Blessings,

~tough decisions~

Let me start this post exactly like I started the last one:  This week has been a tough week.  I don't know what else to say.  I've been dealing with a "situation" for quite a while that reared it's head again this week.

Three years ago this month, my favorite lady in the entire world died.  My grandma was the only person I really ever wanted to grow up to be like when I was a kid.  She was sweet and kind and always had a smile on her face, plus her fried chicken and mashed potatoes were out of this world! 

After her funeral, we received a rather hateful letter from a mentally ill relative attacking Glen, and though some of what he said can be attributed to the fact that he was grieving, most was just an outlet to spew hate.  He said very hurtful things to Glen regarding his ministry, saying he was hypocritical because he hadn't consoled him at the funeral.  Umm - he was consoling me and our kids (who were 8 and 10 years old).  My gut reaction was to fire a letter back defending my husband, but Glen asked me not to - it would only fuel the fire.  A few weeks later, we received another one.  This one was worse and he even threw in a few curse words for flavor.  Again, I didn't reply.  Over time, with much prayer, I forgave him, though he never asked for it or gave an apology.  Though I forgave him, I knew we couldn't open ourselves up to that kind of abuse again.  Even if he has a mental illness.  Somehow for three years I have avoided being around him, but this weekend was my cousin's wedding. 

A few days before the wedding I received a private message from him on Facebook that simply said, "hi".  When I realized he was on Facebook, I was immediately overcome with anxiety.  He would definitely ask to be my friend.  What do I do?  This would open me up to his comments anytime he had a whim to leave one - no matter how angry or depressed he may feel at the time.  I simply replied, "hi!".

I tried to be cordial at the wedding.  I waved and said hello.  I smiled from afar, but I didn't speak privately to him.  Immediately after the wedding I stood outside of the church talking to family I hadn't seen in years, while he waited in a car to be driven home.   In my head I went back and forth between wanting to reconcile and wanting to make sure I protect my husband.  I had pretty much decided I would try to be Facebook friends and see how it works out.  After all, he had behaved at the wedding and I could always delete him later.

When I came home after the wedding, I had two messages from him - and a friend request.  The first message simply said that the wedding was beautiful, it was good to see me and he wished we had gotten a chance to talk.  The second message was sent exactly one minute after the first and it said, "Have you ever heard of reconciliation?  Or forgiveness?".  That's all.  Nothing else.  No apology.  Not asking for reconciliation or forgiveness, but have I ever heard of it?....

Immediately I knew this "friendship" could not work out.  Though I love him and only want the best for him, I must decline for now.  I don't make this decision lightly, and I've prayed diligently over this matter.  He is a Christian and has many Christian friends.  Hopefully he'll find what he needs in those relationships.
I have always been a defender of this relative and his many "moods" - even before I knew it was mental illness. After working at a mental health center, I grew to understand a little more about his illness, but I must confess, it's still a mystery to me. 

In the ministry, you become a target.  People hold you up on a pedestal and expect you to be perfect and accomplish things no one else can, then they say and do hurtful things when you can't.  I was reminded last week that my confidence is in Christ alone, but also how important it is to place yourself around people who believe that very thing. When you start doubting your call or where God has you, Christian friends will encourage you and lift you up, reminding you where your strength comes from.  "Enemies" will remind you just how incapable you are to complete any task, much less those of Christ, until you doubt you were ever called in the first place.   I only have Christ to model my life after and it's clear that while He ministered to many people from many walks of life, His friends that He surrounded Himself with were like-minded with the same focus.

I'm sure this isn't goodbye forever.  I've realized that though Facebook is wonderful for connecting with people and keeping in touch, I don't think it's the way to go in this situation.  Eventually I'll be open to other forms of communication like letter writing,  but just not eager to get knocked down again so quickly.

Tough decision?  Yes.  The right decision?  Only God knows for sure.

Blessings,

~bad habits and busyness~

I've developed a new bad habit.  Actually, I'm not even sure I can call it that.  You decide....

We homeschool our kids, so life has gotten busier in the last few weeks since school began.  Gone are the lazy days of summer (Ha! As if....).  We're back to business (or should I say busyness?).  While I would like to tell you how organized and efficient I am as a wife and mom, I'd be lying.  I am the type of person that works better from a list - but most days I can't even find it!  Lately I've been known to have 3 or 4 partial lists, because I've misplaced the previous ones!  This is so frustrating!  I'm not really sure how it happens.....it just does.  (That sounded so much like my ten year old son!)  My husband thinks I'm crazy.  Oh, he doesn't say it, but the look on his face says it all.  It's not uncommon for him to be going through the mail or a book and find one of my lists - from weeks or even months prior!  No kidding!

Recently I've added a new bad habit, though.  My laundry room is all the way in the back of my house.  Out of the way, which is good.....and bad.  My laundry routine lately is to:

1. Take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket. 

2. Put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and start the dryer. 

3. Start the water in the washer along with a capful of liquid detergent (so that the detergent is dilluted by the time I get the clothes into the washer.)

4. Leave laundry room with intentions of collecting dirty clothes from our bedrooms.

5. Bring basket of clothes from the dryer into the living room to fold, then put away. 

6. Forget all about the fact that the washing machine is filling up and proceed with other duties. 

7.  Go to sleep and wake up.  Begin again at #1 - only to realize the soapy water has been sitting in my washing machine overnight! 

Ewww!  There is no way I am washing clothes in that water!  I am wasting so much water......and soap!  I'm trying to remember to take a basket of clothes with me when I first go to the laundry room - but I'm finding it hard to change my ways!  Am I going crazy?  Please tell me I'm not the only one that's this forgetful!

Blessings,

~passing on a post~

Just wanted to share my husband's latest blogpost.  It's not often that he blogs, so I like to pass it on when he does:)  Enjoy!

http://pastorglenc.blogspot.com/2010/09/barlow-girl-is-all-woman-christian-rock.html

Blessings,

~don't cry over broken.....glass?~

We have a neighbor who's a young mom of two.  She's in the process of a divorce and she's recently gone back to school.  I know she must be exhausted, but I usually can't think of many ways to help.  Since we homeschool, I don't have much free time to give.

Last week, she was mowing her lawn and her mower broke mid-lawn.  There was just this giant square of tall grass in the middle of her front yard.  I felt so bad for her, but thought her dad would help her out.  A few days later, Glen offered to mow it for her on Friday when he mowed ours.  What an opportunity to teach our kids to reach out.  I was so proud of Riley!  While Glen used the weed-eater, Riley mowed her lawn.  Everything was going just as Glen had planned, until a stick or rock flew up and busted out the back windshield of my car. 

Uggh!  What are you gonna do?  Right after our discussion about the money we need to put back for our trip to Chicago in November (for my brother's wedding), and the shower I'm giving his fiance in October, and well, let's not forget Christmas......BAM!

The hardest part was the initial conversation.  I heard Glen tell Riley to wait on the porch and "whatever you do, don't come in."  As he began to tell me the story of what happened, I jumped to conclusions and thought Riley was hurt.  I began to tear up, only to find out it was only the window.  I think that may have been his plan:)

Glen cleaned up the glass and covered the opening as neatly as he could with a trash bag (until we bought a drop cloth, which was much better) and bright green tape (Hey!  It's what we had!).  I wasn't embarrassed (okay, maybe a little),  but it was so annoying.  It was really noisy and every time I picked up speed, it inflated like a parachute!

Monday morning, I was taking Grayson to orchestra class at the junior high and we couldn't hear each other over the racket in the back!  I said, "I'm really sorry about this Grayson.  I know it's embarrassing to be dropped off with a trash bag on the window."  Words cannot begin to describe my feelings regarding her reaction.  She said, "Why would I be embarrassed?  This is just life, Mom.  No biggee".  What did she say?  Are you kidding me?

Glen and I talked about her reaction and he said, "Would you have been embarrassed at her age?"  I don't know.  I hope not, but I see so much shallowness on television, that I guess I made the assumption that she would be.  Shame on me! 

The neighbor bought our family pizza for helping her!  What a blessing!  The window was fixed yesterday, and even though I would rather have not spent the money on a new window, we got a good deal on it (Thanks, God) and I learned a little something about my daughter - and me.  Lessons don't come cheap around our house:) 

Blessings,

~slipping away~

 I know, I know!  It's been FOREVER since I've posted a blog!  My summer was packed with activity!  Grayson and Riley both played ball, which led into all-stars.  Never have they both made an all-star team at the same time.  I'm thankful they did, but I'm also thankful it doesn't happen often:)


In the last few weeks I have searched my heart and searched God's Word for answers for fears I've been having.  I have felt inadequate in several areas.  As a mom, I'm sometimes pulled in several directions, headed in every direction- except the direction I feel I should be. We started school today and I don't have everything planned out like I want it.  This will inevitably lead to being unorganized.  I have unfinished projects, the laundry's not caught up, the dog needs a bath, etc.

As I searched for what was bothering me, I realized I had been feeling anxious for a while.  Probably months.  I love homeschooling my kids, but can I really do as good as the school?  (God quickly gave me a situation to relate to with a definite answer - YES!)  I think my fears are coming from the fact that Grayson is turning 13 in a few weeks.  Why am I stressing over a number?  It seems like only yesterday I was singing to her in my belly, but 13 years?  Wow!  I started to feel as if I've lost control and time is slipping away. 

There is a verse I use with a friend who has a son with chronic health problems.  Philippians 4:6. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.."  So I did.  Another verse God led me to was Matthew 6:34.  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Why am I finding this so hard?  The more stressed I became, the worse it got.  Suddenly I was convinced that my sweet little girl would be caught up in all kinds of trouble - just like you see in the movies...or worse!  As I sought an answer from God, he quieted me with the reality that nothing will go as I have planned, but He is faithful and He has a plan for her.  Thank goodness I'm not in control!  As long as I'm resolved to teach her and continue to lead her to Him, I should have no worries.  Not that she will have a perfect life with no problems, but that she will learn to lean into Him when she struggles, just as He has taught me to do.

I'm looking forward to her teenage years!  There.  I said it.   She is beautiful and smart and compassionate and loving.  She's loud and fun and spontaneous!  I'm excited for the years that await!  How tall will she be?  Who will she marry?  Will she have children?  How many?  Will she work outside the home or stay home with them?  Will she homeschool them?

She has kept me on my knees all of her life, and I'll continue to pray for her....that's what mom's do:) But I will take every day as God gives it...one at a time.



Blessings,

~saucy dreams~

Hot weather is here and the long, leisurely summer I was dreaming of seems out of reach.  Since finishing school, our days have been filled with welding classes, family reunions, baseball, softball, cleaning the house....and laundry :-P

I had dreams of a garden big enough to feed the neighborhood.  This was the year I would finally take the time to do it!  Nothing was getting in my way.  Nothing!  My plans also included growing everything I need to can my own spaghetti sauce - tomatoes, onions, peppers, basil, oregano.  My secret sauce would be available with the twist of a lid!  I can think of nothing better than putting in extra hours up front to make dinner prep quick and easy.  I've been formulating shortcuts for years, but this would be the ultimate!  (I should probably mention I've never canned, either unless you count the summers helping my Aunt Bev stir her sauce and tighten the lids!)  In my mind, this would help me become more like the Proverbs 31 woman.  "She gets up while it's still dark, provides food for her family....she plants a vineyard....she sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks."

Instead, we've had baseball and softball games to prepare for and play.  Glen coaches Grayson's team, so he's particular about summer activities on game days.  Outdoor activities are inevitable, but not for too long.  No sunburns for us whitey's - and no swimming on game day for sure!  The regular ball season just wrapped up, but Grayson is on the allstar team, so we're not done yet.  (Uggh - I mean, YEAH!)

The past few months have been full of good intentions.  After several weeks of rain, my in-laws bought a tiller after hearing of my plans, but all for not - it never started!  Finally last week, I walked into Lowe's and priced raised garden beds.  They're marked down, but still a little pricey - this is an experiment, after all!  I looked for tomato plants and guess what was on clearance?!!  They were marked down from $9 to $1 so I decided to buy five or six.  When the lady at the register rang me up, she said she'd give them to me for 50 cents if I'd buy them all!  SOLD!  Sixteen tomato plants for $8!  Surely owning sixteen plants makes me a gardener;-)

Once again, I had big plans.  Saturday I would "work the ground" in my backyard and begin my journey.  As I'm cleaning house Saturday morning, Glen was mowing and trimming the yard.  I hear him stop and I begin to hear a noise.  A rhythmic sound - with intention.  I step out back to see my husband with a post-hole digger!  NOOOOOOO!!!!!  That's my job!  I've been planning this for years in my head.  It never included Glen doing the work - or using a post-hole digger for that matter.  Though it will help you to get the plant in the ground, I don't think it's the ideal way to plant them.  Where I imagined hours of time spent tending, nurturing and contemplating, he saw a task to check off of a list.

After calling Dig-Rite to mark the utility lines in our yard, the only suitable place to plant was smack-dab in the middle of the back yard.  The final straw was that somewhere along the way, one of the many owners of our 75 year old home decided to get rid of their concrete patio by covering it with 6" of dirt!  Guess where the patio was?  Yep - smack-dab in the middle of the back yard!  The only place left to plant them is in the front yard!  Since I don't think our neighbors would appreciate this, and there are probably codes restricting it, we'll look for other options.  The raised garden is looking like a better idea everyday - especially since for now, the plants are in rows on my driveway!


I'm convinced there's a conspiracy to keep me from gardening, but I'll diligently tend to my potted plants for now.

Oh, and while reading Proverbs 31 again, I think I found a loophole.  Proverbs 31:14 says, "She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar."  Could this mean a trip to Sam's and Aldi's?  Or possibly Mexican take-out?  I think it could......

Blessings,

~flapjack attack~

Tickets are now available for the Lancaster's adoption fundraiser!  $5.00 for all-you-can-eat pancakes at Applebee's in Sikeston on Saturday, July 10th from 8-10am.  We'd like to get 20 people to sell 20 tickets, if possible.  If you'd like to buy tickets, you can contact me or go to the Lancaster's blog here.  They have a "donate" button.  If you'd like to donate to their cause to bring Lori home, you can donate online there also.

Blessings,

~i'll take it any way i can get it~

Yesterday was Memorial Day, and although I have many veterans in my life and I am thankful for my freedom, lately any day that Glen has off has become a day to "catch up" on cleaning and organizing.  I know Glen must LOVE this!

We started the day by having breakfast in bed, made by our sweet 12 year old, Grayson.  She's learning the finer points of cooking, and we're letting her practice on us;-)  Last time she made omelets, Glen informed her that he likes "the works" on his!  She made sure I got everything she needed from the store - and she loaded his omelet down with ham, cheese, onion and God only knows what else...  I'm a simple girl - cheese only, please.

So that was pretty much the end of our holiday.  From the time we got up, we got busy.  Glen did yard work (and Riley helped), then showered, then started organizing the bedroom.  Closets, drawers, you name it.....even my jewelry box!  That thing hasn't been organized in a decade!

I cleaned in the rest of the house, while the kids cleaned in their rooms.  They weeded out clothes that don't fit and even cleaned under their beds (I don't even want to know what lurks under there!) - and yes, that took all day.  I am ashamed to say that as much as I love a clean house, with everything neatly in it's place and the smell of (insert your favorite scented cleaner here - mine is Pine Sol), I cannot keep it that way for the life of me!  I don't know if it's because we're so busy and we're in and out of our house so often, or if it's because we homeschool - so the kids are always there (the down-side to the up-side), or if we're just slobs!  Whatever the reason, I hate the fact that I can't keep it together.  One elderly lady from church always says, "One day you'll have all the time you need to keep a clean house.  Just enjoy those kids!"  I don't want to wish my time away with my kids, I'd just like to enjoy them in a clean house;-)  The easy answer here is to hire someone to help, but I can't justify spending the money when I'm home!  Also, at this point, I feel I need to clean up for the cleaning lady;-)

As a side-note, after I walked into the bedroom last night, exhausted from the day, I looked up at my pretty wrought iron candle holder hanging on the wall to find that Glen had conveniently turned it into a hat rack.  I was too tired to fight about it.  I'll sneak them into the closet at some point.  Right now I'm just grateful for his help - and I'll take it any way I can get it!

Blessings,

~frustration~

Apparently after my husband came to bed last night, he asked me to read a certain passage of scripture and give my opinion on it today....I don't recall that conversation at all!  Anyway, after he came home from work tonight, he mowed the lawn and we ate dinner.  After dinner we were talking and the subject came up - to which I had no response because I had no idea I was supposed to:) 

Glen had formed an opinion long ago regarding the idea this passage eluded to and I did too.  I won't go into what he believes or what I believe because I don't want to stir up controversy - we'll save that for Sunday morning:)  The interesting thing is that I didn't come to the same conclusion that he did this time.  I'm not quick to say one way or the other, but leaning toward the other:)  After almost seventeen years of marriage, we are disagreeing on a pretty big biblical concept.  Nothing that has to do with salvation - that's clear.  This is a gray area that really shouldn't even be argued over (not that we argued - it was just discussion I promise- the kind you can have in front of the kids). 

After what seemed like FOREVER, we agreed to disagree.  The crazy thing is, I'm now the source of his frustration!  Am I not supposed to be his "helper"?  It used to be unknown people or unimportant people that he could easily dismiss.  Uh-oh....we may have to avoid this for awhile!  Neither of us are avoiders so this may be tricky;-)  Pray for him.....with a wife like me, he deals with more than you know:)

Blessings,

~mother's day~

Today, like every Saturday morning I woke up around 4:30 to get to bible study leader's meeting, but hadn't gotten to sleep until after 1:00. I'm not sure what's been going on with me - a lot on my mind, I suppose.

Leader's meeting was wonderful as usual. Bitter-sweet because this was our last discussion until September. I'm finding that, though I'll miss BSF this summer, I'm in need of a break. It will be nice to have a few months of Saturday mornings to sleep a little longer and Monday evenings with Glen and the kids. I'm praying we are intentional regarding how we spend our new found time this summer. The last thing I want to happen is for the enemy to throw new activities our way! He's made a habit of that already.

When I got home from leader's meeting this morning, Glen wasn't awake yet. He had a late night of studying last night, so I let him sleep. My plan was to accomplish a lot today - but we mostly just spent some time together. I can't complain - it was good. My brother came in town and we met for dinner with Mom. It was nice to relax and laugh with family - not rushing on to other activities. We even went into the mall and wondered around for about an hour when we were done (after much pleading from the kids!).

It's after midnight, the kids are in bed, Glen is still studying and I'm sitting here with hair color on:)  As I was thinking back on what a good time we had and how we didn't have to rush, it hit me that Glen is still working! Putting last minute touches on his sermon and looking up Scripture for tomorrow night's service. Why did I not think to hurry home so he could get started earlier? I was just so glad to sit for a while and not have anything robbing family time, I didn't think of what I was robbing Glen of.

He is a bi-vocational pastor, so he spends his days working at a job he enjoys and that supports our family. His evenings are spent with us - having dinner together, bouncing from ball practice to ball game or watching a movie together or playing games. When the kids go to bed at 9 or 10, he heads up to the church for quiet time and in-depth Bible study - his passion. Yes - he begins after the kids are tucked in.  Many hours are poured over his Bible, usually depriving him of much needed sleep that we take for granted.

As I've thought about this tonight, I think of what life would be like if he didn't sacrifice so much.  We'd make it, by God's grace, but I would probably spend many hours away from the family to make ends meet.   Thinking about Mother's Day makes me realize that I am nowhere near the kind of mom I'd hoped to be, but without the sacrifices of my husband, I wouldn't be the mom I am. 

Tonight I'm praying for God to show me specific ways I can help Glen this week.  Though he will still need to study, my goal is to take care of things that hold up the process.  I'm not sure what this will look like.  Maybe I can research a few things and have them printed out or I can help him prepare a power point (probably not, he's way better at that than me!).  Tonight I started by ironing his shirt for tomorrow morning.  As a stay-at-home mom, you would think that would already be done.  Not with our crazy schedule!

Feel free to leave suggestions letting me know how you help your husband maximize his time - or how you would if you were me. I'm always open to new ideas - especially those who've walked this path before me.

Thanks Glen for all you do that enables me to "train up" our kids in the way we believe to be right.  You're the best and I'm thankful for you!

Blessings,

~bottomless~

If the last few months are any indication of what the next chapter of our lives will look like, we're in serious trouble!

My ten year old son, Riley has become a bottomless pit. He is constantly eating, but never full. He was blessed with good metabolism from birth, unlike me;-) He wakes up hungry every morning, and always has - even to the extent of doubling over in pain as soon as his feet hit the floor. No kidding!

Grayson, my twelve year old daughter, has been cooking breakfast lately (and let me say, I am loving this). But he decided this morning he would eat cereal. Three bowls later he is still hungry. Really?!!!  I made him wait after the second bowl so his belly could rest. Still hungry. He ate the third bowl. Still hungry. I made him wait and he complained pretty much non-stop for the next 45 minutes. I let him have a small, fifty-cent package of chocolate donuts we bought at the convenience store last night. Still hungry. By now I'm thinking he's putting on, so I say, "No way are you still hungry! Forget about it! You're not eating any more!" An hour later, still complaining so I let him have an apple. He walks to the sink, puts his bowl down, looks at the clock and says, "Oh, it's 11:30, lunch time." For real?!!!

This must be why people brought a tenth of their crops to the high priest in the Old Testament. Besides the fact that they wanted to honor God, the priests couldn't afford to feed their sons, I'm sure! I can totally see how making your kids work in the fields helps everyone. No crops, no food. If hunger were Riley's motivation, he'd do anything! God will have to grant special graces during Riley's teenage years, and I know He will. I may need to find a way to work from home, as well though;-)

Needless to say, school has been a wash this morning. We'll start again after lunch and I'll just let him nibble while he works. Thankful for him, but realizing life is so unfair. My measly little biscuit with egg whites will add 2 pounds to me this week but after eating like he did this morning and every other morning this week, he'll still be tall and slim. WOW!

Blessings,

~widows, orphans, or......both?~

I've been dealing with a particular subject lately in my quiet time - widows and orphans.  It is clear in Scripture that we are to take care of the widows and the orphans, but to what extent are we called?   And are we called to help the orphan, but not the widow?  Some would say they are only called to help one or the other.  Others would say neither.  Where one is mentioned, they are usually both mentioned.  Personally I think it's a heart thing.  If you are willing to follow Christ wherever He leads, He will lead you to who you can help.

I have felt for some time that our church is "church to the widows".  Some may think I'm making light of the situation when I say that, but it's true - and I'm not.  Approximately twenty percent of the ladies we've ministered to at our church are widows (some have already gone Home).  That's a lot!  And though it's true, a widow living in this country in this century doesn't deal with all of the hardships that a widow dealt with in Jesus' day, they still deal with loneliness, failing health and losing their independence.  Our government has made arrangements to provide food and shelter and a little money, but it doesn't go far. 

My grandmother was a widow until she died at age 80.  Her husband died of cancer when he was 42 and she was 33.  He had two children from a previous marriage she raised with him and they had eight children together - for a total of ten!  When he passed away, my mom was eight, the oldest was twenty years old - the youngest was six weeks.  Yes, I know the widow.  She scraped by for many years, working when she could, but always taking care of her family. Staying up all hours of the night to sew clothes for her girls and sew patches on blue jeans for her boys, mostly living on social security.  Not all widows are feeble old women - though they need us, too.  Some are young with all of their dreams shattered and a house full of kids that no one will help.  I can hear the chatter from the women in the church, "She should've known better than to have all those kids - now look at her",  "I can't afford to feed one meal to that family, those boys would eat me out of house and home" or "If I take one meal, they'll just start expecting it".  My grandmother quit going to church after my grandpa died.  She never spoke of why, but I have a feeling I know why.  Besides the work it would take to get that many kids to church, the church wasn't knocking on her door to help out.

As I look upon our church and the sweet people in it, I know why God has placed us here.  Yes, we are church to the widows.  We may not be growing in numbers as fast as most say we should, but God is using us to provide friendship, protection and love to them, and He is using them to teach and train us more than I could have dreamed!  What wisdom and knowledge I'm gleaning!  I have grown so close to them, it's like having my grandma with me again.  This time in our lives is a sweet time that I wouldn't trade.  I love these people with my whole heart!

God will give you His eyes if you are seeking opportunities to help.  If He leads you to help an orphan, don't turn Him down.  But please don't forget the widow(er).  A kind word or deed may be all that's needed.

Blessings,