~larry hadley~

Today was a busy day.  Not that different from most days, but a day I'll always remember.  A few days ago I sent a Facebook message to a friend from high school.  Today while I was checking my Facebook account, George popped up with a chat message.  He's a songwriter in Nashville, so we discussed writing and high school English with our favorite teacher, Mr. Smith and eventually he asked who I kept in touch with.  Besides Facebook, unfortunately there's only one person from high school I've kept in touch with, and she was and is my best friend, Paula.  He gave me names of people he still talks to and we shared stories. Then it happened.  There it was in black and white:  

larry.hadley.died.

You're probably saying, "Who in the world is Larry Hadley?"  Larry lived across the street from me.  When I was the new girl in the neighborhood, Larry went out of his way to be my friend.  Larry was my first boyfriend, but only if you count 4th grade boyfriends.   He asked me if I would be his girlfriend by sending me a note that said, "check this box for yes".  I got to stay out late playing basketball with Larry and his dad because my mom could see me from the living room window.  We shot free throws for hours every night all summer - and most other seasons, too.  He gave me gifts.  Mostly cheap costume jewelry that I later found out he stole from his mom, but it still made me feel special.  Larry was a nice guy and he got along with everyone.  Everyone except his parents. 

When we were in high school, Larry's family moved.  He still went to our school for a while, but didn't live across the street anymore.  Later in high school, Larry's parents kicked him out.  I'm not sure why, but he never went back home.  While we were carefree and cruising Broadway as high school seniors, Larry was going to a nearby school during the day and working long hours at McDonald's at night to support himself.  I don't know how he did it, but he finished high school.  He also went into management at McDonald's.  From there, he managed a local Radio Shack, then I heard he became a regional manager.  That's the last I heard about Larry.  Until today.

Life is hard.  Harder for some.  I'm shocked that he's gone, but I'm saddened at the fact that I've never looked back and thought about him or his circumstances.  Did he have a wife and a family?  I don't know.  Was he sick or was his death sudden and unexpected?  I don't know.  Did he reconcile with his father before he died?  I don't know.  Did he ever confess Jesus as his personal Savior?  I.  don't.  know.

Life is hard......and busy.  I'm ashamed.  I have spent a great deal of time building new relationships with people so that I can witness to them about the mercy God has shown me through his son, Jesus Christ, but what about the relationships of my past?  Why don't we look up people from our past - who knew what we were really like - and re-invest in them?  Could it be that we're embarassed to tell people who know what we've done in the past that we were wrong?  I don't know.

Tonight I'm grieving the loss of a friend.  Not the death of a friend, but the loss of a friend.  Not the day he died......the day I quit caring about his circumstances.

Blessings,

~flashback~

I ran across an old blog from a few years ago that could have been written today.  I began to think I've come so far, but I'm back in the same place!  Is there a lesson I didn't learn?  Did God make me do a u-turn and take that loop again?  Why the deja vu?

October 17, 2007 I wrote my first and only blog entry until I started again last year.  The entry was titled ungratefulness.  I had just started homeschooling and was working mornings in a local church office.  Glen was just a little over two years into the ministry and was working a  full-time job in another town at the time.  I  was in a place where I felt I didn't appreciate where I was or all I'd been given by God.  Low and behold.....here I am again!  I've pasted the entry below.....

Ungratefulness
Category: Life

Okay, this is my first blog.  Hopefully not the last, but who knows…

I have problems with "the blog" because it's like journaling – which is private – only it's not private.  So what would be the point?  Admittedly, my thoughts are not always "reader-ready" as soon as I think them!  I actually wrote this out last night so I could think on my thoughts first…….huh?

Lately God's been dealing with me on a few levels.  I'm not ready to share everything (remember, I'm a newbie), but I'll share on one thing.

Nothing ticks me off quite like people who are ungrateful.  When I take 2 minutes out of my day to come to your drive-thru window, at least have the decency to say "thank you"!  I know you don't mean it when you say it – but I feel better about the world and where it's headed! 

If my kids were to open a gift and not act like it's the best gift they've ever received (even if it's clothes...again), I would be mortified – and they would know it!

When I spend every day going to work, then rushing home to get lunch and schooling the kids, then getting dinner on and rushing to practices and piano lessons, then someone complains that their favorite jeans aren't clean?  C'mon!  Be glad you have jeans!  Kids in 3^rd world countries don't even have jeans – or do they?

Why, if I have issues with everyone else's ungratefulness, am I so ungrateful for where God has me right now?  Not just now – but always!

Am I grateful?  Does having a family mean having more dirty laundry?  Of course!  But thank you, God for my family.  Does it mean I don't get to see my husband very much because he's working his tail off to support our family?  Definitely!  But thank you for the ministry – and the job to sustain our family.

God's showing me that the things that mean the most are the hardest work.  I don't want to look back with regret and see that I didn't enjoy the times when we had soccer practice and Peter Pan play practice and birthday parties to run to.   If I am just grateful for where I am right now, then I can recognize all the wonderful gifts God has given me.  I'm trying to soak it all up – take time to breathe it in.  Thank you, God for my family – and their dirty laundry.  And thank you for putting up with my ungratefulness.

Five days  after  that post, my grandmother, the most stable person in my life, fell in her kitchen floor and broke several bones.  Seven days after her fall, she died....I couldn't think about blogging for a long time.  Ungrateful?  You betcha!   

The job I had at the church only lasted a few months, thank goodness.  Church  people are the hardest to please;-) God blessed Glen with another job.  More pay and in our  town.  Our life slowed down a little for a while.  It seems like busyness is creeping in again.  As I've said before, we're trying to pray over each activity and let the Holy Spirit guide - after all, no one can guide quite like Him, right?

I have come to terms with the death of my grandma and am so thankful she didn't suffer long on this earth. Most days I try not to think  about the fact that she's gone, but when I have a problem with the kids and I need answers, I miss being able to drop in on her for her "kitchen table" advice.  When the kids do something quirky or say something funny, I miss her sweet, gentle laugh. Yes, I  still miss her dearly and long to talk to her again and share a glass of iced tea with her at heaven's kitchen table.

We are busy, there's no question.  But God, please help me to slow down long enough to learn the lessons  You have for me the first time around!

Blessings,