~prayers for west virginia....and china~

It's been so long since I've posted, I almost feel bad posting now!  Grayson and I are leaving in just a few short hours for another mission trip to W. Virginia to minister to female prison inmates who are staying at a birthing center to be with their babies.  It's a privelege only a few prisoners get - and they don't get to be with all of their children, only the babies - for bonding purposes.  

This past week we've been busy with lists of what to buy, what to pack, what crafts to do....what to buy.  We took this trip last year and I blogged about our experience.  I plan to do the same when we get back and things settle down.  I can't post pics of the prisoners, but I hope to get plenty of good pics of Grayson and the mission team:)  Please pray for our trip...for safe travel and that the ladies would respond to us.  I'm specifically praying that God will break down walls and melt hard hearts.  We made many new friends last year and we're planning to do the same again this year! 

Also, our friends, the Lancaster's are heading to China bright and early in the morning to pick up their newest addition - Lori Faith.  You might remember a blogpost about a fundraiser to help bring her home.  That seems so long ago, but like yesterday at the same time!  They're taking their oldest two girls and leaving the 3 youngest kids with family.  Pray for safety and for all aspects to go well.  All glory to God!

Blessings,

~the great christian cover-up~

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but this week I've had something on my mind.  What is our main job as Christians?  To make disciples?  How are we to do this if we're not real about our own struggles?  Also, how can we be held accountable if we keep our struggles a secret?

If you've read many of my blogposts, you know I didn't grow up in church.  Far from it, in fact.  I was born out of wedlock to a teenage mom and my mom became a Christian the same year I did.  I was twenty one - she was 39.  When my mom found out she was pregnant at age 17, she also found out that my dad had gotten another girl pregnant.  He married the other girl.  I have a half-sister who's 15 days older than me.  I say this to say that, while human nature takes over and we all have tendencies to hide our mistakes and put our best face forward, I have never had a desire to pretend things are perfect.  For the most part, what you see is what you get.  I have some struggles that I deal with that I share openly, and I have more private struggles that only a close few know about.  I try to share everything with Glen in an attempt to be held accountable, but I don't think that's the norm for most Christians.  The longer I'm a Christian, the more "plastic" people I meet.  You know, the kind that seem like they have it all together and always have!  (I should also say that I have met many wonderful, authentic Christians who have opened up and let me in their world).  I don't say this to judge, it's definitely only because of the path God set me on that I tend to be more transparent by nature (sometimes to a fault!).  I spent my entire childhood embarassed that my parents weren't married, but when your last name isn't the same as your dad's and your sister is your same age, you have to be upfront with people.  I'm sure I tried to cover it up from time to time (and I definitely didn't approach the subject first), but there came a time when I realized it wasn't my mistake and I shouldn't be embarassed by it.  (This excludes having to tell my kids when they were old enough to understand.  I definitely wanted to pretend everything was perfect for them). 

Over time, however, I came to another realization - we all make mistakes, and not only should I not be embarassed by them, I should glory in the fact that God rescued me from that and I should be upfront with everyone.  I should not only share about my past, but about my current struggles as well.  People need to see that other Christians are real people.  While it's not always appropriate to share every struggle while you're in the midst of it, it is appropriate to share that God is dealing with you in a certain area - and it's always appropriate to share after God has brought you out of it!  I'm still treading lightly on this path where my kids are concerned.  I definitely want to be real with them, but I don't want to over-share regarding my past.  So far, God has given me words to speak to them.  I can only trust that He'll continue to do so.

Recently I learned of a boy from my childhood who is involved in a very sinful lifestyle.  This is someone that was raised in a Christian home.  I was saddened when I read his blogpost that said the first time he went to a gay bar alone, he ran into a pastor from church camp.  This seemed somehow to put the stamp of approval on it - almost normalizing it.  I've never walked in his shoes and I don't presume to know all of the ends and outs of homosexuality.  I only know what I learned from the gay men my mom worked with as a hairdresser, and that the Bible says any kind of sex outside of marriage is wrong. 

Yesterday I read that the Executive Director of the Missouri Baptist Convention gave his resignation for "immoral acts with a woman".  While I'm not surprised (not because I know this to be in his character, but because he's a human being),  it seems like one more scar on the church.  One more excuse people will give for "the church" letting them down. 

None of us are perfect, but do we convey that enough to other believers, and unbelievers for that matter?  How do we get rid of the myth that Christians are perfect?  How, in trying to live a life, holy and pleasing to God, do we really get across the fact that we are only holy because of the blood shed on our behalf?   It's probably evident, but let me say out loud that I seriously screw up on a daily basis.   If you're lifting me up as someone to be like, you need to raise your bar - I'm way off the mark!

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:8-9

While praying about both of these situations, God began to lay on my heart that this is the very reason we are to be transparent.  If I am not willing to share my story of how God has gotten me through the trials in my life and in the process, help out a fellow believer, what exactly is the purpose in Him getting me through them?  These are also reasons to have an  accountability partner.  Satan does his best work where there are secrets.  In both of the cases above, men in the ministry not only sinned, but led someone else into deeper sin.  Recognizing our weaknesses and having someone to hold us accountable are key.

So while I don't usually put on a fake face and pretend things are perfect, after thinking about the previous situations, I'm feeling convicted for covering up for other people.  A very close member of my family is participating in a lifestyle I don't want my kids around.  The issue is not whether I'll let her see my kids.  I will, I just don't want her lifestyle flaunted in front of them.  I have let her see the kids at our house or in public, as long as there's no mention of what she's doing.   As I'm thinking about transparency and "being real", I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  I can only pray that I am.  Do I let them know what she's doing and that I don't agree with it, thus using her as an example or do I pretend everything's fine for now in order to protect her reputation?   I don't want to make her look bad, but my fear is that my kids will find out anyway and not know that I stood against what she was doing.  Oh Lord, let my motives be pure and pleasing to You!
 Blessings,

~trusting and praying~

Glen and I try to "pray without ceasing" concerning our kids.  Since before we began to homeschool, we have prayed about their education and which route to take.  God had laid homeschool on our hearts long before He led us to it.  They went to Christian school for several years before God called us to homeschool.  Every year, we have tried to make sure we're listening for God's voice where their education is concerned.  Are we homeschooling because we're called to it, or because it's the habit we're in now and we don't want to change what we're doing?  Each year we have heard God say, "Yes!  Homeschool!".  Without a doubt, it has been His plan.  This year however, we have had questions since the beginning of the year.  Not for both kids, but for our daughter.  She'll be in ninth grade next year and we have felt it would be a good time for her to go back - if it's God's plan.  Everything I have read says your high schooler must be in agreement to continue homeschooling through high school.  That makes sense.  School is not an option, but they should start getting some input about how they are schooled.  I just knew, given the choice, she'd pick school.  She's SO social!  She would also have the option of competing in sports and music competitions - which are important to her.  My immediate response was "NO!".  I cherish the time we spend together.  I love that I am her biggest influence (some days, admittedly not the best influence, however!)  My second reaction was to keep my feelings to myself.  If I told Glen, I was afraid he would jump on the opportunity before I could give my input (in case you didn't know, I'm a recovering control-freak!), and if I told Grayson, she would definitely jump on the opportunity to spend more time with friends and less time with me!

After several days of feeling like I needed to talk to Glen (funny how God does this), I was relieved to know he was having the same feelings.  Relieved and stressed out all at the same time.  Relieved that I wasn't crazy, stressed that I may have to send her.  We agreed to pray about it the rest of the year, then see where we are at the end of the school year.  Neither one would ask Grayson's opinion for now - after all, we're the parents (and I already knew her answer!).  Within a few weeks, we had both broken the agreement.  While talking with her, I felt there was an opening in the conversation where I could ask without it being a major ordeal.  I simply said, "Daddy and I are praying about whether we'll keep homeschooling you next year.  What d'ya think?"  She said, "I don't know".  I don't know?  She didn't jump at the chance to bust out of this joint?  I dropped it, but talked to Glen the next day.  Apparently the same kind of opening had come up in a conversation he had with her!  She gave him more information, though (yes, I'm totally jealous!).  She told him she was afraid that if she went to school, she'd lose her homeschooled friends.  Wow.  That's when it hit me.

I have grown very close to the moms in our homeschool co-op.  They are some of the best women I know - committed to Christ and to homeschooling.  I can call any of them or shoot them an email asking for prayer, and I know without a doubt they've got my back.  They are encouragers and a support system that I've so needed and drawn from as I've homeschooled my kids these last four years.  I began to realize that part of the reason I don't want her to go to school is because it may eventually lead to Riley going to school.....which would end our homeschool co-op days with other homeschool families.  These are times I treasure.  I know these ladies will always be friends, but I wouldn't spend as much time with them.  I definitely have to take "me" out of the equation.  "I" want more time with her, "I" want us to spend time with these families - but what does God want for our family?  There was definitely something to what Grayson said.  Will she lose her friends?  Probably not.  But will she spend alot less time with them?  Definitely!

I'm realizing that even at thirteen, she gives this decision more thought than I originally gave her credit for.  I still won't let her make the decision - that will be ours to make - by God's leading, but I'm considering her input to be much more valuable than I thought it would.  God will definitely use her to help reveal His will to us!

For now I'll just be faithful to pray....and trust that He will work all things for His good and for ours.
Blessings,

~hallow-weenies~

Halloween is over!  Our family hasn't celebrated Halloween in 8 years.  When Grayson was in kindergarten, she told us she thought we shouldn't do it because it was mean.  As parents, we wanted to respect her convictions and truthfully, we couldn't find any good in it, so we stopped.  We began what I would now call "hiding out" on Halloween.  Although it was Grayson's conviction, we had a younger child that didn't have the same feelings!  He was not happy about our decision!  Sometimes we played games with friends at the church, sometimes we went to a movie and out to eat, one year we even went to the Missouri Baptist Convention, but we never stayed at home.  I didn't want them to see all of the kids coming to the door and think they were missing out on something. 

This year is different.  I'm not sure why - just feeling like we shouldn't be "hiding".  A friend put it best when she said, "How often do strangers knock on your door?  It's a perfect opportunity to witness!"  Our kids are now 11 and 13.  They both have convictions about Halloween, and are old enough to pass out candy without thinking they're missing out.  We made copies of Halloween coloring pages that we found online and printed a tract along with an invitation to our church on the back.  I just folded them in half like a brochure when I was done.  We bought mini boxes of crayons and passed them out along with our candy.  The kids had so much fun!  Both of our kids like young children.  I'm not sure why, but they always play with the little ones.  This was so much fun for them!  We ordered pizza and watched movies after the trick-or-treaters left.  What a stress-free evening - the perfect family night!

Blessings,

~bad habits and busyness~

I've developed a new bad habit.  Actually, I'm not even sure I can call it that.  You decide....

We homeschool our kids, so life has gotten busier in the last few weeks since school began.  Gone are the lazy days of summer (Ha! As if....).  We're back to business (or should I say busyness?).  While I would like to tell you how organized and efficient I am as a wife and mom, I'd be lying.  I am the type of person that works better from a list - but most days I can't even find it!  Lately I've been known to have 3 or 4 partial lists, because I've misplaced the previous ones!  This is so frustrating!  I'm not really sure how it happens.....it just does.  (That sounded so much like my ten year old son!)  My husband thinks I'm crazy.  Oh, he doesn't say it, but the look on his face says it all.  It's not uncommon for him to be going through the mail or a book and find one of my lists - from weeks or even months prior!  No kidding!

Recently I've added a new bad habit, though.  My laundry room is all the way in the back of my house.  Out of the way, which is good.....and bad.  My laundry routine lately is to:

1. Take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket. 

2. Put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and start the dryer. 

3. Start the water in the washer along with a capful of liquid detergent (so that the detergent is dilluted by the time I get the clothes into the washer.)

4. Leave laundry room with intentions of collecting dirty clothes from our bedrooms.

5. Bring basket of clothes from the dryer into the living room to fold, then put away. 

6. Forget all about the fact that the washing machine is filling up and proceed with other duties. 

7.  Go to sleep and wake up.  Begin again at #1 - only to realize the soapy water has been sitting in my washing machine overnight! 

Ewww!  There is no way I am washing clothes in that water!  I am wasting so much water......and soap!  I'm trying to remember to take a basket of clothes with me when I first go to the laundry room - but I'm finding it hard to change my ways!  Am I going crazy?  Please tell me I'm not the only one that's this forgetful!

Blessings,

~bottomless~

If the last few months are any indication of what the next chapter of our lives will look like, we're in serious trouble!

My ten year old son, Riley has become a bottomless pit. He is constantly eating, but never full. He was blessed with good metabolism from birth, unlike me;-) He wakes up hungry every morning, and always has - even to the extent of doubling over in pain as soon as his feet hit the floor. No kidding!

Grayson, my twelve year old daughter, has been cooking breakfast lately (and let me say, I am loving this). But he decided this morning he would eat cereal. Three bowls later he is still hungry. Really?!!!  I made him wait after the second bowl so his belly could rest. Still hungry. He ate the third bowl. Still hungry. I made him wait and he complained pretty much non-stop for the next 45 minutes. I let him have a small, fifty-cent package of chocolate donuts we bought at the convenience store last night. Still hungry. By now I'm thinking he's putting on, so I say, "No way are you still hungry! Forget about it! You're not eating any more!" An hour later, still complaining so I let him have an apple. He walks to the sink, puts his bowl down, looks at the clock and says, "Oh, it's 11:30, lunch time." For real?!!!

This must be why people brought a tenth of their crops to the high priest in the Old Testament. Besides the fact that they wanted to honor God, the priests couldn't afford to feed their sons, I'm sure! I can totally see how making your kids work in the fields helps everyone. No crops, no food. If hunger were Riley's motivation, he'd do anything! God will have to grant special graces during Riley's teenage years, and I know He will. I may need to find a way to work from home, as well though;-)

Needless to say, school has been a wash this morning. We'll start again after lunch and I'll just let him nibble while he works. Thankful for him, but realizing life is so unfair. My measly little biscuit with egg whites will add 2 pounds to me this week but after eating like he did this morning and every other morning this week, he'll still be tall and slim. WOW!

Blessings,

~flashback~

I ran across an old blog from a few years ago that could have been written today.  I began to think I've come so far, but I'm back in the same place!  Is there a lesson I didn't learn?  Did God make me do a u-turn and take that loop again?  Why the deja vu?

October 17, 2007 I wrote my first and only blog entry until I started again last year.  The entry was titled ungratefulness.  I had just started homeschooling and was working mornings in a local church office.  Glen was just a little over two years into the ministry and was working a  full-time job in another town at the time.  I  was in a place where I felt I didn't appreciate where I was or all I'd been given by God.  Low and behold.....here I am again!  I've pasted the entry below.....

Ungratefulness
Category: Life

Okay, this is my first blog.  Hopefully not the last, but who knows…

I have problems with "the blog" because it's like journaling – which is private – only it's not private.  So what would be the point?  Admittedly, my thoughts are not always "reader-ready" as soon as I think them!  I actually wrote this out last night so I could think on my thoughts first…….huh?

Lately God's been dealing with me on a few levels.  I'm not ready to share everything (remember, I'm a newbie), but I'll share on one thing.

Nothing ticks me off quite like people who are ungrateful.  When I take 2 minutes out of my day to come to your drive-thru window, at least have the decency to say "thank you"!  I know you don't mean it when you say it – but I feel better about the world and where it's headed! 

If my kids were to open a gift and not act like it's the best gift they've ever received (even if it's clothes...again), I would be mortified – and they would know it!

When I spend every day going to work, then rushing home to get lunch and schooling the kids, then getting dinner on and rushing to practices and piano lessons, then someone complains that their favorite jeans aren't clean?  C'mon!  Be glad you have jeans!  Kids in 3^rd world countries don't even have jeans – or do they?

Why, if I have issues with everyone else's ungratefulness, am I so ungrateful for where God has me right now?  Not just now – but always!

Am I grateful?  Does having a family mean having more dirty laundry?  Of course!  But thank you, God for my family.  Does it mean I don't get to see my husband very much because he's working his tail off to support our family?  Definitely!  But thank you for the ministry – and the job to sustain our family.

God's showing me that the things that mean the most are the hardest work.  I don't want to look back with regret and see that I didn't enjoy the times when we had soccer practice and Peter Pan play practice and birthday parties to run to.   If I am just grateful for where I am right now, then I can recognize all the wonderful gifts God has given me.  I'm trying to soak it all up – take time to breathe it in.  Thank you, God for my family – and their dirty laundry.  And thank you for putting up with my ungratefulness.

Five days  after  that post, my grandmother, the most stable person in my life, fell in her kitchen floor and broke several bones.  Seven days after her fall, she died....I couldn't think about blogging for a long time.  Ungrateful?  You betcha!   

The job I had at the church only lasted a few months, thank goodness.  Church  people are the hardest to please;-) God blessed Glen with another job.  More pay and in our  town.  Our life slowed down a little for a while.  It seems like busyness is creeping in again.  As I've said before, we're trying to pray over each activity and let the Holy Spirit guide - after all, no one can guide quite like Him, right?

I have come to terms with the death of my grandma and am so thankful she didn't suffer long on this earth. Most days I try not to think  about the fact that she's gone, but when I have a problem with the kids and I need answers, I miss being able to drop in on her for her "kitchen table" advice.  When the kids do something quirky or say something funny, I miss her sweet, gentle laugh. Yes, I  still miss her dearly and long to talk to her again and share a glass of iced tea with her at heaven's kitchen table.

We are busy, there's no question.  But God, please help me to slow down long enough to learn the lessons  You have for me the first time around!

Blessings,

~babies~

Grayson and I returned Thursday night from a 6-day mission trip to West Virginia.  We went to a federal women's prison birthing center, where women go to serve up to 18 months of their sentence so they can spend time with their child.  I must say God changed my perception of many things while we were gone.

I thought I had no preconceived notions regarding these women.  They were felons- all related to drugs- but I knew in my heart that God had saved me from situations as bad or worse.  We all need forgiveness and someone to show us the love of Christ.  Honestly, I did  believe that before I met them.

After spending the first day with them, talking and trying to get to know them, I could see how easy it might be to get caught up in that lifestyle.  Each one had a different story, but each one was similar.  I realized I did prejudge!  In my heart I had assumed they were not good moms - that somehow I was doing something really good by spending time with these babies.  Even going so far as to think "if I could just bring them home with me, things would be okay"!  God quickly showed me that I'm no better than these women - only different now because of Him.  Some of these women have actually been saved since coming to the birthing center, and some grew up in Christian homes, but went astray for a while.  Only God knows what we need to go through to turn to Him.  If you knew some of the things He's had to bring me through, you would cringe!

I realized the biggest need was friendship.  They are friends with eachother, but like sisters sharing the same space, in need of outside friends.  Most have families that support them, but they live so far away, they can't see them often.  Most also have older children at home they are away from.  I have 16 new friends!

I really enjoyed the late night talks with Grayson about life and how Satan makes things look good at first, then we get tangled up in sin.  She's twelve now, so she's really got her own thoughts and opinions on things and I'm so proud of how God used her on this trip.  This was definitely and eye-opening experience.  Mostly God opened my eyes regarding myself...

I was in prison and you visited me...Matthew 25:36

Blessings,

~sweet melodies~

Can I just say that God is good? I can remember as a kid wishing my mom could afford piano lessons, but it was never to be. When I was a teenager, I bought my own keyboard with babysitting money I had earned, but all I can do is pick the keys-even to this day:) It's really a tragic story - just kidding:) The one thing I wanted my kids to be able to do is play the piano. Grayson showed early signs of being gifted with musical abilities, then Riley, too.

Today, I'm reminded of how I would record the countdown every week (on cassette) and play it back so I could sing at the top of my lungs! Riley is sitting at the piano singing at the top of his right now. I love the sound of my kids singing, and so thankful they have a tool like the piano to help them worship with their voice. If any of you have heard my kids sing, you know that Grayson has a sweet worshipful voice, but Riley thinks he's a ROCKSTAR! I love the fact that he sings LOUD and out of key - not caring who hears, just singing to God! I am still working on my nerves when I sing at church, even after years of singing. How amazing is God that He'll take pure worship from a child - loud and off-key, though it may be? But He also takes sweet melodies from Grayson to melt my heart, as well as His.

Blessings,

~summing it up~

As I thought about whether or not to blog, I went back and forth in my mind about several things. I'm pretty much an open book - which is the problem. I'm more likely to tell you more than you need to know about any situation. Fine by me, but not so fine by my husband. After 16 years of marriage I'm learning to keep my book (and my mouth) closed on the issues that may embarrass him. I must admit, though, I'm still very much a work in progress. Praise God that He has poured His grace and mercy over me!

I am a home-educating mom of 2 wonderful kids and a ministry wife. God is truly amazing! If I could have looked into the future 20 years ago, I would've passed out from unbelief! I never would've imagined being used in the ways God has chosen to use me. I also never could have imagined being stretched this far:)

I hope to get to know many of you through this blog, but my earnest prayer is that God is glorified through my words and deeds.

Blessings,