~hail to the sleeve~

Remember sleeves?  What ever happened to them?  They used to be all the rage!  There's all kinds of sleeves.  Long sleeves, short sleeves, capped and even three quarter sleeves.  I still wear them daily, but unfortunately I see them quickly disappearing.  I love sleeves!  I refuse to go without them!  Whoever invented the sleeve is a genius in my book!

All joking aside, I find myself browsing through websites or magazines and I feel the need to cover girls up with a blanket.  The only thing that seems to be more common than the missing sleeve is the severely short skirt accompanied by bare legs and mile-high heels.  I'm not judging.  Really, I'm not.  I understand the pressure to fit in.  I haven't always been a prude!  I too, tried to push the envelope where hemlines and necklines were concerned when I was a teenager - and I sometimes I succeeded. That's what kids do - they push limits.  And who could blame them when their role models - like Beyonce`, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan, just to name a few - are leading in the cause to abolish the sleeve (and most other parts of the dress)?

Parents are supposed to set limits.  That's our job.  And when our teenage girls come crying about how everyone is dressing that way or no one is wearing what we've bought her, our job is to hold on as tight as we can to the limits.  I'm not talking about never compromising.  Compromise has to happen at times.  Give in on style or color.  After all, (and I know this goes against everything we've been taught) sin is ugly, but ugly isn't a sin.  Modesty should not be compromised!   

I searched the Bible for counsel on the matter and here are a few of the verses I found on the subject of modesty:

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control. - 1 Timothy 2:9a

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. Proverbs 11:22

And as a parent, perhaps the most convicting verse of all...

But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. “Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! Matthew 18:6-7

As the mom of a daughter, it frustrates me to fight against the "norm" on a daily basis.  I've been told (more than once) by well-meaning people that I can't protect her from everything.  This is so true.  I'm fully aware that I'm not capable of protecting her from everything.  That's actually not my intent - or my job.  God won't even choose to protect her from everything!  My job is to set limits and lead her, pointing her to Christ who will guide her by the Holy Spirit - if she will yield to Him, and to pray, pray, pray.  Modesty is not about covering up so no one will notice her (but would that be so bad? Ha!).  It's about the condition of the heart.  It's about obedience.  God's word is clear.  He expects obedience.  

As well as having a daughter, I'm also the mother of a pre-teen son (gulp).  The older he gets the more I notice the behavior of girls around him.  Girls have become significantly more forward since I was a girl!  Part of how girls relate to boys is in how they dress.

And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily (or deceptive) of heart. - Proverbs 7:10

Recently I was looking at pictures of kids who had attended a dance. (I'm not opposed to dancing, by the way:) ) It was a conversation with a friend about these pictures that inspired this blog post.  Pictures had been taken before leaving the house and the happy couple was all smiles.  After pics of the couple by themselves, there were group pictures of several friends and their dates.  When I looked at the group photo, I was amazed!  Each girl looked like the next!  Their dresses were almost identical - and they were all missing sleeves (and most were missing much more!).  The longer I looked at the picture, the harder it hit me.  These boys would be heading off to a dance where there would be hundreds of girls dressed just like this.  Hundreds!  In an attempt to normalize our daughters, we've put our sons in the middle of a no-win situation!

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:27-28

I wonder if we realize what we're doing to our sons.  We train them to respect girls, then in the most awkward years of their life, when they're barely old enough to shave, we put them in a sea of scantily dressed girls their own age who've been dressed to look 10 years older and tell them to mind their manners.  Look but don't touch?  Matthew 5:27-28 tells us that's not good enough!  How is a boy suppose to keep his thoughts pure, let alone his actions, when he looks up and he's surrounded by a roomful of teenage girls dressed like sexy adult women?  Do we expect too much from our sons?  Or are we expecting them to give into sin, so we quit trying to keep the temptations away?  Grown men lose the battle with lust, and we throw our boys in the fight?  I've often heard "Boys will be boys".  Really?  We're giving them a pass on obedience because of their gender?  God never excludes anyone from accountability.

Please hear my heart.  I don't believe it's our intent to dress our daughters so as to require every ounce of self-control of every boy they cross paths with (and the prayers of their mamas), but I do think our society as a whole is clueless as to the reprecussions.   Our daughters are beautiful just the way God made them.  They don't know that unless we, as parents convey that to them - in our words and our actions.  After all, what's wrong with a fourteen year old that looks fourteen?  It's okay to dress up and look pretty - it's not okay to look sexy. 

For our daughters who are being told they're worthless unless they bare all (or most), and for our sons who battle daily against lust within their own hearts and minds - say you'll join me in the fight to retrieve the sleeve! 

Blessings,

~stunted growth~

Several weeks ago, my husband began preaching through the book of Genesis.  I must confess to you, I wasn't thrilled.  While I didn't grow up in church, since becoming a Christian over 17 years ago, I have taught countless lessons and craft projects about creation and the fall of man to numerous preschoolers!  What could be left to learn, right?  Wrong!

I think it's interesting that when God told Adam and Eve that they had done wrong, Adam blamed Eve and she blamed the serpent.  Neither wanted to acknowledge their sin - and neither sorry.  Fast forward to chapter 4.  Cain murders Abel because Abel's offering is pleasing to God and his isn't.  When God tells Cain of his punishment, he is clearly upset over the punishment, but not repentant.  God tells him he'll be a wanderer, yet he builds a city - and names it for his son.  Disobeying God and keeping the glory for man instead of giving glory to God.  Later, Cain's great great great grandson, Lamech killed two men.  When he confessed his sin to his wives, he said, "If Cain's revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech's is seventy-seven fold."  Lamech confessed his sin.

In my quiet time recently, God has revealed big truths in tiny bites.  Today He layed it on thick!  Am I truly repentant?  Am I sorry for the sins I commit, or am I sorry I've been caught or sorry I'll be punished?  When God reveals sin in my life, I usually let life's busyness be my excuse.  I can't count the times I've thrown together unhealthy meals for my family at the last minute or put quiet time with God on the back burner because our family schedule filled up before I squeezed it in.  What am I teaching my children through my disobedience?  It's easy to see through the book of Genesis that unconfessed sin can become generational sin.  Nothing would grieve my heart more than to know that I have stunted my children's growth in the Lord.

How many times have you heard a parent encourage their child to lie so they don't get in trouble?  It happens, though I'm sure they wouldn't call it lying.  It's deception nonetheless. Sometimes the consequences are too great for Mom and Dad to bear.  If little Johnny admits that he vandalized cars in the school parking lot, he won't get to play football.  If Sally tells Mary that she took her baby doll, Mary won't want to be her friend anymore.  It sounds ridiculous, but it happens!  While these are extremes, and most of us can never imagine allowing things like this to go on, we probably can imagine not grounding our four year old from television because it would mean I wouldn't have that 30 minutes during Dora to clean up the kitchen, or not taking away the Nintendo DS, because it keeps him quiet in the car on the way to Grandma's.  When we allow half-hearted repentance to us without consequences, we're setting our kids up to half-heartedly obey God.

Please don't think this post is about my terrible, disobedient children - far from it.  They're great!  I couldn't ask for better kids!  This is about me.  I've given excuses to God time and time again, like 'I can't help it', 'I'm under too much pressure', 'we're so busy' and I'm sure God's favorite is 'You know how I am....'  The problem is that God is never okay with an unrepentant heart.

While I can never perfect my walk with God, and I can't protect my kids from all sin, I can teach them to be repentant and graciously accept God's correction so He is glorified in their obedience.

The question is not if I sin or how often.  Obviously I'm not perfect and never will be, but what kind of example am I setting when I know I'm sinning and refuse to stop, or let my day dictate my attitude instead of standing firm on the Word?  Do I stop and call upon the name of the Lord?

God is continually sanding down the rough edges of my heart and molding me into who He wants me to be.  It's my belief that, besides the Holy Spirit, there is no better tool for transforming the heart than that of a child entrusted to you.  My heart's desire is to submit to Him fully in obedience, for my own sake - and the good of my kids.

Blessings,

~the great christian cover-up~

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but this week I've had something on my mind.  What is our main job as Christians?  To make disciples?  How are we to do this if we're not real about our own struggles?  Also, how can we be held accountable if we keep our struggles a secret?

If you've read many of my blogposts, you know I didn't grow up in church.  Far from it, in fact.  I was born out of wedlock to a teenage mom and my mom became a Christian the same year I did.  I was twenty one - she was 39.  When my mom found out she was pregnant at age 17, she also found out that my dad had gotten another girl pregnant.  He married the other girl.  I have a half-sister who's 15 days older than me.  I say this to say that, while human nature takes over and we all have tendencies to hide our mistakes and put our best face forward, I have never had a desire to pretend things are perfect.  For the most part, what you see is what you get.  I have some struggles that I deal with that I share openly, and I have more private struggles that only a close few know about.  I try to share everything with Glen in an attempt to be held accountable, but I don't think that's the norm for most Christians.  The longer I'm a Christian, the more "plastic" people I meet.  You know, the kind that seem like they have it all together and always have!  (I should also say that I have met many wonderful, authentic Christians who have opened up and let me in their world).  I don't say this to judge, it's definitely only because of the path God set me on that I tend to be more transparent by nature (sometimes to a fault!).  I spent my entire childhood embarassed that my parents weren't married, but when your last name isn't the same as your dad's and your sister is your same age, you have to be upfront with people.  I'm sure I tried to cover it up from time to time (and I definitely didn't approach the subject first), but there came a time when I realized it wasn't my mistake and I shouldn't be embarassed by it.  (This excludes having to tell my kids when they were old enough to understand.  I definitely wanted to pretend everything was perfect for them). 

Over time, however, I came to another realization - we all make mistakes, and not only should I not be embarassed by them, I should glory in the fact that God rescued me from that and I should be upfront with everyone.  I should not only share about my past, but about my current struggles as well.  People need to see that other Christians are real people.  While it's not always appropriate to share every struggle while you're in the midst of it, it is appropriate to share that God is dealing with you in a certain area - and it's always appropriate to share after God has brought you out of it!  I'm still treading lightly on this path where my kids are concerned.  I definitely want to be real with them, but I don't want to over-share regarding my past.  So far, God has given me words to speak to them.  I can only trust that He'll continue to do so.

Recently I learned of a boy from my childhood who is involved in a very sinful lifestyle.  This is someone that was raised in a Christian home.  I was saddened when I read his blogpost that said the first time he went to a gay bar alone, he ran into a pastor from church camp.  This seemed somehow to put the stamp of approval on it - almost normalizing it.  I've never walked in his shoes and I don't presume to know all of the ends and outs of homosexuality.  I only know what I learned from the gay men my mom worked with as a hairdresser, and that the Bible says any kind of sex outside of marriage is wrong. 

Yesterday I read that the Executive Director of the Missouri Baptist Convention gave his resignation for "immoral acts with a woman".  While I'm not surprised (not because I know this to be in his character, but because he's a human being),  it seems like one more scar on the church.  One more excuse people will give for "the church" letting them down. 

None of us are perfect, but do we convey that enough to other believers, and unbelievers for that matter?  How do we get rid of the myth that Christians are perfect?  How, in trying to live a life, holy and pleasing to God, do we really get across the fact that we are only holy because of the blood shed on our behalf?   It's probably evident, but let me say out loud that I seriously screw up on a daily basis.   If you're lifting me up as someone to be like, you need to raise your bar - I'm way off the mark!

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:8-9

While praying about both of these situations, God began to lay on my heart that this is the very reason we are to be transparent.  If I am not willing to share my story of how God has gotten me through the trials in my life and in the process, help out a fellow believer, what exactly is the purpose in Him getting me through them?  These are also reasons to have an  accountability partner.  Satan does his best work where there are secrets.  In both of the cases above, men in the ministry not only sinned, but led someone else into deeper sin.  Recognizing our weaknesses and having someone to hold us accountable are key.

So while I don't usually put on a fake face and pretend things are perfect, after thinking about the previous situations, I'm feeling convicted for covering up for other people.  A very close member of my family is participating in a lifestyle I don't want my kids around.  The issue is not whether I'll let her see my kids.  I will, I just don't want her lifestyle flaunted in front of them.  I have let her see the kids at our house or in public, as long as there's no mention of what she's doing.   As I'm thinking about transparency and "being real", I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  I can only pray that I am.  Do I let them know what she's doing and that I don't agree with it, thus using her as an example or do I pretend everything's fine for now in order to protect her reputation?   I don't want to make her look bad, but my fear is that my kids will find out anyway and not know that I stood against what she was doing.  Oh Lord, let my motives be pure and pleasing to You!
 Blessings,